"I found out just a couple minutes ago our bill is going to be referred to the Senate later today," Leo said, starting another early-morning senior staff briefing. "Kaplan and Berkowitz are co-sponsoring an amendment they'll present to the floor this afternoon."

"What's in it?" Josh asked, not sure he wanted to know.

"Some minor tax measures, but ones we do not want to live with."

"What are we doing about it?" C.J. wondered.

"You know what, I say we do nothing," Sam jumped in. "We need this thing to pass."

Toby was enraged. "Oh for God's sakes, we haven't let Republicans walk all over us like this in months! We have a goddamned majority in Congress now!"

Josh shook his head. "Not by enough. Some of our people are going to be pressured to vote no, even without the amendment."

"Look, we're not going to win them all, and maybe we got a little cocky," Sam said, shrugging. "This is a decent one to lose on."

"I don't think we can afford to attract any attention to this. We look panicked, we look like we lost either way. I think we should let it go, make sure the bill gets through." Everyone seemed to be in agreement with Leo but Toby. "C.J., obviously we aren't going to be able to keep this from the press any longer. Just play it like it's no big deal."

"Okay."

"If no one has anything else, dismissed."

*****

Toby returned to his office, still grumbling about giving in to the Republicans without a fight. He couldn't stand losing, and losing to Republicans -- especially when he thought it could be stopped -- was unacceptable. What he found in his office did nothing to improve his mood.

"God, Diane, it's 9 o'clock in the morning. Do you really have nothing better to do than hang around here making my life miserable?"

"No," she replied with a smirk.

"Why the hell did you fly in so early when the funeral's not till Friday?"

"Just to hang around here and make your life miserable."

"You just took four days off from your big, high-powered law firm to hang around in D.C. with nothing to do?"

"I own my big, high-powered law firm, Toby; I can do pretty much whatever the hell I want."

"Well that must be nice. I, on the other hand, have a lot of work to do so I really don't have time for a little chat, as fun as this is. I've got to write a speech for the President's meeting with the French President this weekend, we've got a Senate crisis to resolve, I have to get some notes to C.J. on --"

"Wait a second, say that again." There was something about that she didn't quite like.

"What, all of it?"

"Nevermind." She turned on her heel and left his office.

*****

"C.J.?"

She looked up to see Diane standing in the doorway. "Oh hey, come in. What do you need?"

"I'll get right to the point, C.J." Diane sat across from her and crossed her legs. "Last night, the reason you new so much abut Toby and I ... It was you."

C.J.'s breath caught in her throat, taken completely aback. She didn't know what to say. But out of respect for Diane she decided not to deny it. "Yes."

"Well, thank you for that."

Her reaction surprised C.J. She didn't yell or even raise her voice, although C.J. wouldn't have blamed her. Instead she became quieter and her eyes gained a sad quality.

"We never really discussed it. That was the last straw, and I didn't want to know any of the sordid details. But I always pictured you as something else. You know, the young, half-witted blonde tramp type. Maybe that's just how I wanted to picture you. I certainly didn't want to picture you as someone I could like or respect, someone Toby could actually fall in love with. I don't know why, somehow I always thought I would feel better if I knew it was just a meaningless affair. But it wasn't, was it?"

C.J. winced. She didn't want to hurt her, but she didn't want to lie, either. "No, it wasn't."

"I didn't think so."

"Diane, if it means anything at all, I am so sorry."

This was the first time she seemed angry. "You've been so honest with me so far, C.J. Don't say things you know you don't mean."

"I do mean that. I won't tell you I regret my relationship with Toby. But for the pain I caused you and the damage I did to your marriage, I don't think I can ever forgive myself."

"You know, I've spent almost three years of my life hating you. It was a lot easier to hate you. But I really like you, C.J." She laughed a little at that. "I guess I'm happy about it on some level. As much as I hate to admit it, I'd rather think that if anyone had to come between Toby and I, it would be someone like you. As hard as that is on my ego."

"I admire you, Diane. I don't know if I could be as understanding and gracious if I were in your position."

"I think you would. In the end, it just takes too much energy to keep carrying around all your old resentments." Diane stood, but before she left she added, "I'm glad he has you, C.J."

*****

"Come on, Charlie!"

"Charlie, we're starving!"

Charlie was being ambushed by Zoey and Katie and he knew he wasn't going to be able to escape with the two of them working together. "I would love to take the two of you out to lunch, but as you can see I have a lot of work to do."

"Didn't you promise Josh you would take care of Katie?" Zoey asked with a sly smile.

"Yes I did, but for the day. In fact I think what he actually said was 'for awhile.' I am under no further obligation to act as your chaperone."

"I always thought of 'awhile' as a pretty long period of time," Katie said.

"Besides, didn't he actually mean whenever C.J. wasn't availible to do it herself?"

"I'm sorry guys, but I'm a lot more worried about getting in trouble with the President than Josh."

"You should be most worried about getting in trouble with me, Charlie." The First Lady entered the room, greeting the three young people with a warm smile. "You must be C.J.'s sister, Katie. I'm Abigail Bartlet."

"I know," she giggled. "It's an honor to meet you."

"Likewise," she said, winking at her. "Charlie, take these girls out to lunch. I'll take care of the President."

"Yes, ma'am, but --"

"Ah ah ah, no buts. Indispensible as you are, he can get along without you for an hour."

"Thanks, Mom," Zoey said.

"Anytime, sweetheart. But in return, I expect a little favor of my own. Tomorrow night we're having a little party for the President's birthday in the ballroom. I need you to remind everyone you see about it. but not a word to the President. Got it?"

All three nodded.

"Oh, and you're certainly invited, Katie."

Her whole face lit up at the thought of going to a real White House gala. "Really?"

"Absolutely. I have to go tell everyone else about it. "And Charlie --"

"We're leaving right now, Mrs. Bartlet."

*****

"I didn't come back here to make your life miserable."

"Hello, Diane. Where did you go?"

"I was talking to C.J."

"Ah."

"No," she said, leaning forward meaningfully, "I'm saying, I was talking to C.J."

He realized the implications of what she was saying and looked down, rubbing his forehead. "She told you?"

"I figured it out. She didn't deny it."

"I should have told you."

"Yeah, you should have."

"So," Toby said, looking up, "did you lambaste her or did you save it all for me now?"

"I'm not going to lash out at either of you. It was a long time ago."

"Why do you both keep saying that like it doesn't matter?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Toby."

"Well, good." He got up and moved to sit on the couch. She followed suit and sat next to him.

"You want to talk about it?"

He looked at her incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"No -- I mean your father."

He leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes wearily. "I really don't."

"All right." She watched him with genuine concern, knowing he was trying desperately to keep inside all-consuming feelings of guilt and remorse. She also knew he would not acknowledge his emotions until forced to the absolute breaking point. She only hoped someone would be there for him when it happened. But she was there now; instinctively, she reached over and hugged him.

The familiarity of her embrace was calming to him. He buried his face in her hair; it smelled just as he remembered, and brought back the memories of all the quiet intimate moments they had shared so many years ago.

The moment was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Excuse me, Toby?" It was the First Lady.

He disentangled himself from Diane's arms and sat up straight. "Ah, Mrs. Bartlet, this is my ex-wife, Diane."

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You too." Abigail eyed them suspiciously, but shook it off quickly. "I've just been making my rounds -- there's going to be a little get-together tomorrow night at 8:00."

"A little get-together?" Toby asked, amused.

"Yes, that's what I'm calling it. Diane, if you're free --"

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm not sure I will be."

"That's fine too. Toby, you understand the option doesn't apply to you."

"Of course."

"Just as long as you know. And don't forget -- it's a secret!"

She continued down the hall to notify the staff members she hadn't gotten to yet and passed C.J. on her way.

"Hey, C.J. -- tomorrow night, 8 o'clock, ballroom, black tie!"

"I'm there!"

She went on to Toby's office and was surprised to see him and Diane sitting on the couch together completely comfortable, no tension between them whatsoever. Her image of them as feuding exes dissolved, and she had trouble deciding why that bothered her as much as it did.

"What's going on?" Toby asked after she stood there awkwardly for a few seconds.

"Oh -- Josh had this memo for you. It's about your speech."

Diane saw nothing of the apprehension in C.J.'s demeanor, but she felt it within herself as she watched her hand the paper to Toby, their hands touching for an instant, his subtle unnameable expression, the way she left without a backwards glance as if she was hiding something deliberately for Diane's benefit. She hated the way that made her feel.

She rose. "I should leave."

"You don't have to."

"No, I do. I need to call and check in with the office. They must be falling apart without me."

"That happens."

She wondered if he meant something by that, but quickly put it out of her mind. "I'm probably not going to see you tomorrow, but do you want to drive to Rockville together?"

"Yeah, I'll call you."

"Okay. See you then."

*****

"So, how did it end?" Katie asked C.J., back at her apartment that night.

"How did what end?"

"You and Toby."

"I told you."

"No you didn't. You just told me it ended. He was married and that was the end of it."

"That's pretty much all there was to it."

Katie gave her a look that clearly said, Yeah, right.

"It wan't a big thing, Katie. He came to me and told me his wife found out and they were getting a divorce. We didn't talk about it much. It was pretty clear that it was over for us too."

Katie was dumbfounded. "That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just like that? That's the end of it?"

"What else did you expect?"

"I don't know... something. Claude, you can't just leave it like that. No wonder you're still hung up on him. You never had any closure."

"Well maybe it's not the healthiest way to leave a relationship, but it's a little late to fix now."

"No it's not. You're in love with him, Claude. It's never too late."

"First of all, Katie, you'd make a much better living for yourself writing soap operas than teaching."

She laughed. "Second?"

"I'm not in love with him!" she said, exasperated.

"All right, you know what, you can lie to yourself, and you can probably lie to him too. But I'm your sister. And I've spent every day of my life looking up to you, studying everything you did, wanting to be just like you. I know you, Claudia Jean. And I've never seen you like this. You're in love with him."

"It doesn't matter whatever I do or don't feel for him. His father just died, and I'm not sure he's entirely over his ex-wife yet. It's the worst possible time to do this."

"Just answer me this."

"Okay."

"Will there ever be a good time?"

C.J. sighed. "Fair point."

"Go talk to him, Claude. You can't just leave it like that."

*****

C.J. found herself standing at Toby's doorstep, uncertain of what she was doing there. She had no discernable purpose and nothing to gain. Everything rational in her said she should leave, but she ignored it and, after a deep breath, knocked.

Toby came to the door, still in his suit and tie, as if he had just gotten home from the office. He acted like she woke him up. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"C.J., it's after midnight."

"Can I come in?"

He opened the door wide and motioned for her to enter. After she took off her coat, he repeated, "What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping you weren't going to ask me that again."

"I think it's a perfectly legitimate question."

"It is, but I still dont have a logical answer for you."

"C.J.," he began, trying to restrain his increasing frustration, "you come over here in the middle of the night, I'd think you would do a little better than that."

"The thing is, I was hoping you could start."

"Start what?"

"The conversation."

"About -- ?"

"Whatever you want."

He knew exactly why she had come; he knew exacly what she was thinking and exactly what she wated to get out of him. He knew better than she did. And it was the last thing he intended to offer to her. He wanted nothing more than to laugh it of and send her home more confused than she came. But there was something about her presence right then, so expectant and innocent, that made him reconsider. He knew it was such a rare concession for her to make, so much so that he hardly minded putting himself open and vulnerable. So much so that it hardly seemed out of character.

"After all this time, I have never been able to get you out of my heart."

He said it so matter-of-factly, so nonchalantly, intent upon shocking her so that she wouldn't realize the meaning of his words. She saw right through his frozen exterior to the truth neither one wanted to reveal, but she still didn't know how to acknowlege or deal with it. "What?"

"C.J., I said it."

"I heard it. What does it mean?"

"You know what it means."

"Well... why?"

He struggled to answer, trying to find the words to tell her what she really meant to him, how much he really thought of her. He was silent so long C.J. began to think he wasn't going to reply. Finally he attempted to make an earnest response, but couldn't quite manage it. "You're so... you're just so... tall."

She didn't know whether to laugh out loud or take him seriously. But he looked completely sincere, and pained.

"You know, I didn't think you were into all that declaring yourself crap either." He was almost angry.

"I'm not.... I'm sorry."

"Why did you come here anyway?"

"My sister told me we never had any real closure and that was why I couldn't let it go. She told me I should talk to you. But really I just wanted to hear you say that. I just never thought you would."

"Did you think I forgot everything that happened?"

"No.... I don't know."

"Why the hell do you think I hated the idea of you and Danny so much?"

"Well why do you think it took me so long to go ahead with Danny?"

They stared at each other in silence as they finally realized all the things they had taken great pains to hide, which could never be hidden again. But the realizations weren't entirely happy ones. They brought with them an air of finality.

Toby shook his head. "You know what, it doesn't really matter."

She backed away from him and leaned against the dining room table, resigned. "We just don't work."

"Well, that's not exactly our problem."

"What is our problem, then?"

"Our problem is not that we don't work; it's that we work too well."

She was beginning to lose her patience. "Could you possibly be a little more ambiguous, Toby, because that almost makes sense."

"You don't know what I mean?"

"No."

"Let me show you."

"Okay."

He approached slowly, his eyes glued to hers. She couldn't force herself to look away. He wrapped his arms around her, tightly yet gentle, one hand in her hair and the other around the small of her back, pulling her away from the table she was leaning on towards him. The kiss began soft and light, gradually becoming more passionate. At first she tried to resist, knowing what would happen if she let herself go. But the attraction between them was still so strong. She fell into his arms, tightening her hands around his shoulders and neck. For a moment they forgot where they were and who they were and everything that had happened between them, completely lost in each other. Suddenly he pulled away.

"You understand?"

"Yes."

"We work too well."

"Yes." She composed herself and started putting on her coat. "I should go."

She left quickly, without looking back. She didn't want to see the look in his eyes. There was no expression she could have seen in his face that would make her feel better. And she couldn't imagine there was anything that could happen to make the situaltion better. She just wanted to go back to avoidance and denial; mostly she just wanted to get out of his house.

He let her go. He couldn't stand to see her there for another minute, wanting to say a million things to her and not being able to say them. There was nothing left to say, nothing that could make a difference. Well, maybe one more thing... He opened the door and called after her, "I just wanted to tell you... Thank you." He felt a little silly standing there. He wasn't exactly sure just what he was trying to do. "For -- everything. Thank you."

She understood what he meant, and returned the sentiment with a small but heartfelt smile. She drove away a little happier, but no more hopeful about the future.

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