Happy Birthday, Donnatella (Part1)
Rating: PG - PG 13
Summary: It's Donna's birthday, and it seems everyone has forgotten.
Spoilers: Gosh, I don't know. Small references to Noel, ITSOTG 1&2, I think that's it. For now...

Well, my life just sucks. Here I am in the wee, and I mean wee, hours of the morning, walking through the halls of the White House knowing that I will be celebrating my special day tomorrow, by myself.
See, Josh is at some fundraiser conference thing in New York, and I made sure over the past month that I repeatedly told him about my dreams of going to New York to see the sights and maybe take in a Broadway show. However, Mr. I hate anything that has to do with merriment, chooses to keep me here in DC, where I can be all by myself on my special day. Men. They suck.
I reach my desk, and immediately notice the flashing light on my phone. Gee, how many messages will it be today. Let's try 29. It'll be the lucky number tomorrow, so maybe I'll get lucky today. I pick up the phone, and enter Josh's mailbox number. I hear Josh's voice and I can't help but sigh.
"I wish you were here," I say to myself as I enter his password.
"You have 49 new messages and 41 saved messages."
Dear God. It's going to be one of those days.
******
"Hey Donna. When's Josh getting back?"
"As far as I know he's getting back on Monday, unless his plans change. Why?"
"No reason - just wanted to know when I could get up to speed on the thing."
"Sam, there are many 'things' that go on in this place. Can you be a little more specific?"
"Well, the conference in..."
"Hang on a sec."
I lean over my desk to answer the ringing phone.
"Josh Lyman's Office."
"Hey Donna."
"Hey yourself."
"Josh?"
I nod in Sam's direction and motion for him to shut up. It's the universal sign around here: one hand, directed smack in the middle of the perpetrator's face. Sam gets an annoyed look on his face as he turns from me and walks back towards his office.
"Donna, can you fax me the numbers from the poll we did last week on health care? I need them for my meeting at 2."
"Josh, it's 1:30 now. What do you think I am? I'm not a miracle worker you know."
"Donna... Please!!!" He has the most pathetic whine, I know. It's cute, but still, it's annoying.
"Fine. Is there anything else you need me to do, because I think I might be sick tomorrow."
"Huh? Donna, you're never sick. What's wrong?"
He's cute when he gets all worried about me.
"In case you had forgotten, and it's obvious that you have; it's my birthday tomorrow, and I plan on being depressed all day. I'd rather not have everyone see me all upset and snarky, so I'm taking the day off."
"Good for you. Maybe when I get back I'll take you out somewhere nice for dinner to celebrate your birthday, ok?"
I can't help but crack a smile.
"Thanks Josh. That would be nice."
I said that in the voice that we know you can't describe, but you know the tone. You know what I mean.
"Kay - the numbers Donnatella?"
"Fine. Goodbye, Joshua."
I hang up the phone. Jerk. However, dinner with Josh would be a good thing. Maybe I'll go shopping tomorrow; buy myself a new dress just for the occasion. Self-indulgent, make yourself feel way better by blowing the month's budget birthday shopping. That's a done deal; I'll call Margaret.
*****
I finally find the numbers that Josh needs, and fax them off to his hotel, where I am sure he is standing by the fax machine, cursing the technology he doesn't understand for being so slow. I shake my head at the thought of that, despite the laughter that ensues in my mind. I collect the sheets from the fax machine, and a copy of the transmission report; I know Josh will ask for it when he gets back. As I walk to Josh's office a few moments later to put the file back on his desk, I stop dead in my tracks with a shocked expression on my face. There is a beautiful and might I add quite large bouquet of flowers planted right in the middle of my desk.
"Carol, who brought these in?"
I have to yell at her from across the office; she's running all over the place today chasing down C.J. because of the thing in New York, and she has to brief the Press Corps in 20 minutes.
"Messenger, I guess. I didn't sign for them, I think Bonnie did."
"Kay, thanks."
Carol heads into CJ's office, and closes the door behind her. With great interest, I head to my desk, and drink in the wonderful aroma of the flowers that have been placed on my desk. As I breathe in the fragrance, I close my eyes and sigh.
"These smell wonderful," I say, as I look tirelessly for a card.
"Ha! Here it is!"
It's actually a big card, and I'm surprised that I didn't notice it before. I was probably too mesmerized by the fact that I, Donnatella Moss, got flowers. I start to feel like a young schoolgirl who has just gotten a gift from a secret admirer. Reality kicks in, and I realize that they're probably from my parents. My parents. There's a story for later. I'm depressed enough already, so I don't want to think of them, just yet. I reach for my letter opener, and carefully open the envelope to see inside. Hmmm... A card. An actual card. It's got a lovely picture on the front, a picture of two little cats snuggled up side by side.
"Awww... how sweet."
Has to be from my parents, they know that I like cats. I open the card, and two separate envelopes fall out. I pick them up, as I read what has been typed on the card.
"Damn. No handwriting. I could have figured out who sent this gift from that. Oh well. What does this say..."
I hold the two envelopes in my hand as I read to myself.
" 'Dear Donna, this is a small gift for you for your special day, but we have scrimped and saved, and we thought that you would enjoy it. We have arranged for you to have the rest of the day, as well as the weekend off. You deserve it for putting up with him as you do; no one else could. Go home now and pack, cold weather clothes please! A driver will be at your place in two hours to get you. When you get to your first destination, please open the envelope marked #1 to the assistant. He or she will help you get to where you need to be. When you arrive, another driver will be waiting for you. When you arrive at your final destination, take the contents of envelope #2 out, and you'll know what to do from there. We hope you have a great time, you're the best. We love you.' ARGH!!"
I put the card down on the desk in frustration. No names, no hint as to who sent this, nothing. This is going to drive me crazy.
"I'd like to know who is responsible for this!"
I shout as I look at everyone in Josh's bullpen. They all look at me like I'm possessed, and I realize that I really did say that a little too loud. Okay. A lot too loud. This is going to drive me crazy. I can't help but smile as I pick up my phone and call Leo's extension.
"Hey Margaret. Is Leo in?"
"Yup, just a second."
I wait as she said, for just a second.
"Donna. What can I do for you?"
"Well Leo, I just got this lovely bouquet of flowers on my desk, and in it there was this card..."
"I know all about it. Go home and pack. Make sure to take your flannel shirts, you're gonna get cold if you don't."
"Leo, I want to know who did..."
"Donna, I have kept greater secrets than this for a much longer period of time. You won't get it out of me. Have a good time, and have a very happy birthday. Remember, it's winter. You need warm clothes."
I can't help but smile.
"Thanks, Leo. I guess I'll see you in a couple of days."
Hmmm. This is going to be interesting.
****
Well, I'm packed and ready to go. I'm just about to open the door and go get my mail from the past week, when there is a knock at the door. I jump. Ok, it's only the door; no reason to have a heart attack. I cautiously open the door.
"Yes?"
"Hello, I'm from Jefferson Limousine Service. I'm here to pick up Donnatella Moss?"
"That would be me. Let me just get my bags."
"That's no problem, Miss. I'll get them for you."
"Thanks."
****
So I'm in the car, heading God knows where with James; yes, that's really his name; driving me somewhere. We're heading in the direction of the airport, so I'm assuming that I'm going to be flying somewhere. It's the somewhere part that I don't know. He refuses to tell me anything, and I guess that he doesn't really know what's going on. He probably doesn't know that I work at 1600 Pennsylvania and that my desk is 124.53 feet away from the Oval Office; it's probably just as well.
*********
Well, I was right. It's the airport. James gets out of the car and opens the door for me. "Thanks."
"Not a problem, Miss. May I help you with your luggage?"
I hesitate a little, but finally decide to accept the help. He smiles, and carries my luggage to the desk. I open envelope #1, and hand the customer service person the ticket inside.
"Ah, an excellent choice, Miss Moss. You will have a lovely time."
"Thanks, I think."
"Your charter flight is boarding on Gate 3, and you are actually departing in 34 minutes. You'll want to hurry Miss."
"Thank you!" I yell to the attendant as I hurry towards the gate with my luggage in tow.
***
I sit down in my seat, as we have just been instructed that we are landing soon. As I sit, looking out the window at the lights below, I actually think about Josh. I know, I know. It's stupid of me to do this, but I can't help it. "If he only weren't in New York, and if he only weren't the third most powerful man in the United States Government. If he and I could whisk ourselves away on weekends like this, I would die a very happy girl."
Hold on a second. Death is probably not a good thing to think about when you're descending into an airport. My mum and dad are actually the best. I have a feeling I know what's in the other envelope. My room key for a cool place in the hills for the weekend. See, I'm heading into Vermont. At least, that's what it looks like. Tons of snow on the ground, and it's beginning to fall a little bit. It's very picturesque actually. Hmmm. I sigh, and rest my head back on the chair.
***
Well, I was right. A quaint little log cabin, nestled in the hills. How wonderful are my parents! Even though they don't like that I am in Washington, they still remember my birthday, and I can't believe that they saved up enough money for this! It's such a shock. I guess they realize that this is the only real 29th birthday I'll have, even though I will be 29 every year from now on.
"Thank you." I take a ten dollar bill out of my wallet and hand it to the driver. We had to drive up the hill in a 4x4, as the roads were bad, so I want to make sure that he has some money for gas when he gets back into town. I can't help but be shocked as he waves off my tip.
"No worries, Miss. It's already taken care of."
"Oh. Okay. Thanks again." He puts my luggage at the door, and heads back into the car and drives off down the hill.
"Well this is a fine kettle of fish." Oh god, I can't believe that I just said that. All this talk of my parents, and I guess one parental phrase had to slip out sometime. I'm glad it was then, and before I walked into this wonderfully cozy looking place. I take out the key, which was in the second envelope with the certificate for this place and insert it into the lock. I turn the handle, and open the door.
My eyes have never seen anything so tear invoking. In the center of the beautiful room, laid on an incredibly cozy looking sofa, are a pair of skis, and all the paraphernalia that goes with them. I don't believe this. I pick up my two suitcases, and enter the cabin, shutting the door behind me. Oh, did I mention that it's pretty obvious that someone has been here before to get this place ready for me? There's the beautiful scent of burning wood coming from the fireplace. I make a mental note to look for marshmallows later to roast over that same fire. I put down my things and head to the sofa and inspect these very cool gifts. A suit, boots, pole, skis, goggles, gloves, everything!
"Donna, you hit the jackpot!!!"
I say this out loud; who cares, I'm here alone. I feel like a kid in a candy store and it's the best feeling in the world. All of a sudden my cell phone rings. I scramble to the other side of the room to look for my purse. I find it, and answer my phone.
"Donna Moss."
"Donna, where are you? I just called the office, you're not there. I called your house, you're not there. What gives?"
"Josh, it's 9:30 at night, and it's the evening before the day that I was brought into this world. Don't you think you could be a little nicer to me, just today?" Well that was a little hostile.
"Well, I need the results on the poll from the thing."
I can't help but roll my eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, Donnatella."
"I didn't...What do you need again?"
"I need the files for the thing Sam and I were working on before I came here. Can you get them for me in the morning?"
"Josh, you'll have to call Carol or something. I'm not in D.C."
"WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?" Awww. He's worried.
"Josh, calm down. My parents sent me on a trip for my birthday."
"I hope you're not staying away too long, because your place is in D.C."
"Oh really?"
"Ya. Your place is in D.C. With me." Ok, my blood is now on the verge of boiling.
"My place is with you. My place is with you?" Ok, I'm really letting him have it now. "Joshua Lyman, you are the most ungrateful, inconsiderate, pig-headed bastard of a man that I have ever known. How dare you say that 'My place is with You.' You have no idea the crap that I put up with from you on a day to day basis. I have to deal with your chaos and try and make sense of it. I remember every last detail of your endless and monotonous days, and the least that you could have done before you went on your stupid fundraising trip was to send me a birthday card from the bloody 99 cent store." Now I'm crying, and I know he can tell. He always knows when I cry, even if I'm not near him. It's actually kinda sweet. His voice has gone from, well, his to being nice and sweet.
"Geez, Donna. I'm sorry. I can't really do anything about it now. How about dinner when we both get back to Washington?"
"Ya. Fine. Whatever."
"What kind of an answer was that?"
"I'm not holding my breath, Josh." I hang up my phone. The jerk. I hate him. I start walking around the living room. Great. Now my birthday gift is ruined. Ass. He has to go and spoil everything. I need something to eat. I wonder if there is any food in this joint. I open one door from the room I am standing in. Nope, no kitchen. Just closet space. I figure I might as well make use of this recent discovery, so I pick up my coat and hang it in the closet; might as well make myself comfortable.
"The other door must be for the kitchen."
I walk across the room and push on the swinging door. I scream at the top of my lungs when I look in the room.
****
"I thought you may want some warm and soothing hot chocolate after the phone conversation you just had with that ungrateful, inconsiderate, pig-headed bastard of a man you call your boss."
She's saying nothing, but she has her hand covering her chest and it looks like she might pass out. Oh god, I did bad.
"Donna, are you ok?"
I run over to her side, just in case she does pass out. I hold out a chair for her, and she readily accepts it. Water. She needs a glass of water. As I pour one from the sink, in between unstable breaths, she actually speaks.
"How the hell? I don't get it. I thought you were supposed to be...."
"In New York? Yes, I was. My last meeting was this morning, and it has been for some time. Here, have some water." I hold the glass out for her, and with a shaky hand, she takes it from me. "You know, that might not be such a good idea. I'll hold it for you. Your nerves need to calm themselves down first." She looks up at me and with a nervous grin, she smiles. She nods her head as she takes my glass holding hand in hers and takes a drink of water. "I arranged all this with Sam's help. His parents owned this cabin when they were together, and he said that any time I needed to get away, to go ahead and have a good time. So, I thought that your birthday would be a good enough reason to get away from it all." I look at her eyes. She's on the verge of tears. Oh god. I put the glass of water on the table and take her jaw in my hand and lift her face up to mine. "Donna, what's the matter?"
"I don't believe you, Joshua. You did all this for me? For my special day?" Her tears are falling down her cheeks, and as they do I wipe them off with my thumb.
"Of course I did this for you, Donna. No one deserves something like this more than you. As you so eloquently reminded me moments ago, you put up with me at the worst of times. You have seen me through everything, and I owe you so much. I just wish I could show you how much I thank you for putting up with me."
She gets a little grin on her face, tilts her head to the side and closes her eyes as she places her hand on the one that is resting on her cheek.
"Joshua. I don't believe you. I really didn't mean that you were a, oh, whatever I just called you. You know that, don't you?"
"Donna, look at me." She opens her eyes, not moving her head or lifting her hand from mine.
"Yeah?"
I have to do this. This is perfect. I lean towards her more, and I don't speak until I am less than an inch away from her lips.
"Happy almost Birthday, Donnatella Moss."
****
A kiss from Josh. That's the only birthday present I would have ever needed or wanted from him. Don't get me wrong; he's not getting the skis back, but this is the best present of them all. I can't believe that he did all this for me. As he presses his lips against mine, I can't help but let my tears fall. I am so overcome with emotions; exhaustion, sadness, elation, peace, a whole range of them, and I really don't know how to express myself at this point; except, of course, to cry. I'm expecting Josh to push himself towards me further, but he doesn't. This is a very beautiful kiss. No speaking other languages; like French, par example, just a gentle kiss; the kind that you always want your first kiss to be; the one that would make you melt. I'm sure he felt my tears start running down my face; he doesn't like it when I cry, for any reason; happy or sad. He slowly pulls himself away from me, running his thumb along my cheek to collect the tears. He kneels down beside my chair, one hand on my knee, and looks up at me from the floor.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
What did he just call me? I think he just called me...
"Joshua."
"What?"
"You do realize what you just called me, don't you?" How I manage to squeak that out between sniffles, I don't know.
"I called you Donna." He has a confused look on his face. I can tell he's retracing his verbal steps.
"No, you didn't. You called me..." I can't help but blush. This is such a tender moment. I start to cry again; damn him for being so unbelievably sweet. I guess it's a nervous reaction I do, but I look down at the floor, I really don't want him to see me blush.
"I just called you sweetheart, didn't I?"
If I say anything, I'll cry more. I decide to just nod my head, my eyes still looking downwards. I can't look at his face just yet, or he'll see that I'm still blushing.
"Donna, I know you're blushing, so you don't have to hide that fact from me."
I look at him, and he has a smile on his face. I'd say it's almost an 'I'm Da Man' grin. He pulls me close to him, taking me in his arms.
"Donna, I meant it. You have an incredibly sweet heart, and I abuse it so many times. I'm so sorry for that."
"Oh Josh." I can't say much more than that; the tears will fall even more if I do. I have my arms scrunched up in his tight hold, and I rest my hand on his chest. I lean my head on to his neck, and sigh. This feels right.
****
This feels right. Me, holding Donna in my arms. God, does this ever feel right. I don't want to break this mood, but if I don't say or do something right now, I'll stay here, like this, forever. I can't do that, much to my dismay.
"Donna, I have some stuff up here that I thought you might like." I loosen my hold on her, and brush my fingers through her hair as I stand up. She runs the sleeve of her sweatshirt, hey, that's my sweatshirt, along her nose. I realize how yucky that sounds, but this is Donna. It's cute.
"Ya, like what?" She has a beautiful face. Even when she's been crying. Did I mention that before? Well, she does. I'm sure her other parts aren't that bad either. Well, that's a subject for another time.
"Well, I made sure that I brought up a big bag of marshmallows, and I found two really long sticks earlier when I was out getting wood for the fire. I thought we could roast marshmallows later."
I'm Jewish. I don't really understand the concept of Christmas, although it has been ingrained in my system through ceaseless commercials and blatant advertising schemes. I have never seen the actual look of a child's face on Christmas morning, yet I have my thoughts on what it must look like. Donna's face, at this moment, surpasses the images I had in my head of that very thing. Her eyes are wide and they sparkle with unhindered excitement. She gets up from the chair and takes hold of my hands. She is actually kinda jumping up and down. This is cute.
"Really? Oh Josh, you know exactly what I like. You're the best. I was just thinking that when I walked in, and I made a mental note to look for marshmallows. What else did you bring? Should we go grocery shopping?"
"Donna, slow down! I took care of everything. This is a 'Donnatella Moss doesn't have to worry about anything' weekend. I went grocery shopping before I was driven up here, and I think I bought out the store. We have lots of food, good food 'cause I know you like the healthy stuff, lots of cool movies. Before you ask, I did get one mushy one, 'cause I know you love those. We have lots of marshmallows, graham crackers and..."
"Smores! Oh Josh!" She throws her arms around me. If it weren't for the fact that I can hardly breathe, I'd never let this end.
"Donna, you're, kinda, choking me." Well now she looks embarrassed. She unlocks her surprisingly strong arms from around my neck, and backs up a little. She places a delicate hand on my chest, and looks at me.
"Sorry. Thank you Josh. This is going to be the best birthday ever." She looks into my eyes, and we mutually lean forward for a kiss. She slips her hands back up around my neck, but this time it's not to strangle me, it's for a completely different reason. To keep things in line, I slip my hand around her waist, one on her back, and gently pull her close to me. My hands glide through her silky hair as our lips meet, again.
***
Kissing Josh is a good thing, a very good thing. It's a very fun thing too. He is very good at this. I think my knees are getting weak, and it's too early in the day for this, even though it's like 9:30; but that's early by our standards, so I have to break this off. God I don't want to, but I have to. I have to think how to do that, seeing as his tongue is kinda wrapped around mine. Got it. I put my hands on his chest, and press my hands against him.
"Mmmm. Josh?"
"Ya?" He kisses my forehead. How sweet.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Can we wait?"
"For what?" I can't help but look at him in, you know, that way.
"You know."
"Oh. Well, whatever my Donna wants, that what my Donna will have. I'll get your bags and put them in your room." I can't help but think that he feels he did something wrong, when I know it's me that just did. But I want this to be right. I don't want to have this be a quick screw in the heat of a passionate moment. I want candles, flowers maybe, and at least, I'd like a bed; not a kitchen table or a hard wood floor. He walks out of the room with a look on his face that is hard to describe. I would say sadness, but I've seen him when he's been sad. I would think it was remorse, but he would have nothing to feel remorseful about. I don't know. I suddenly feel like I've crushed him. Oh God, what have I done.
***
I reach her room, and plunk her suitcases on the floor. I hate being left alone with my thoughts. It's dangerous ground. I hear her coming up the stairs, and I know my heart skips a beat. I'd better not tell her that, because as soon as I mention anything about my cardiac muscles, she gets like the nurse from hell and confines me to my bed to rest. Getting confined to a bed would be ok, but not for rest. Especially if Donna was my nurse. Oh no.
"Old White Republican Men. Old White Republican Men. Old White Republican Men."
"Josh, are you repeating your mantra again?" She has a cute smirk.
"Huh? No, I was just distracted and I needed to get refocused. I hope you like this room. It's the best of the two sleeping rooms."
"Where's your room?"
Hmmm. She wants to know where my room is. Old White Republican Men. Old White Republican Men.
"Just down the hall. There's a bathroom right through there and there's a closet right over there. If you need more blankets and stuff, they're right in there in the armoire."
"I'm surprised that you know what an armoire is, Joshua." I did mention her smirk before, right?
"I happen to know many things about fine furniture, Donnatella. I'll leave you to get settled. If you need anything, give me a shout."
"Flowers at work, skis and ski-related stuff, a weekend in Vermont, a beautiful cabin, AND I get to shout at you? Really, Josh, I don't deserve it." She has a full blown grin on her face, and she is trying desperately to make me laugh, I can tell.
"I've already unpacked, so I'll go make some more hot chocolate if you'd like. I've got mini marshmallows." She turns around, knowing that I'm kinda upset, and she nods her head. I walk out of the room, but linger at the door just a second longer than I should, in hopes that she turns around. She doesn't. Damn.
****
I'm standing in my room here, trying to think how to remedy this situation I have made. I want this to be so special, and I don't want to ruin any chances that I have to be with Josh. I mean, it's kinda obvious that there's something there, but I don't know how to react to it. That kiss that we shared in the kitchen just a moment ago; well that's a good indication that we both want more, but it's how to get there that's the problem. I've got an idea. I start to walk down the hall when I hear Josh's voice yelling from downstairs.
"Donna, it's ready. Whenever you want some hot chocolate."
I yell back at him from upstairs.
"Kay. I'll be down in a minute. Keep it warm for me, okay?"
"Kay. You want me to get out the big marshmallows and the roasting sticks?"
"Do you even have to ask? Absolutely!"
"Kay. See ya in a minute."

Well, I walk down the stairs a few minutes later, and Josh is sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, all curled up in a blanket. Doesn't that look cute. He has two really long sticks laying on the coffee table, and a huge bowl of marshmallows there too. He even has two hot dogs in a Ziploc bag. He is truly the best. The hot chocolate mugs are sitting on the TV tray, and Josh is laying there, all cozy, with his eyes closed. He looks adorable. I make my way over to the couch, and adjust the blanket which is kinda half draped over him. I think I woke him when I sat on the couch, because he's stirring. I brush my fingers against his face, and he opens his eyes and looks at me.
"Josh, it's okay. Go back to sleep."
"I wasn't sleeping. I was just... hey! That's my shirt!"
"Ya, I took it. I hope you don't mind."
"Na, I don't mind. It looks good on you."
"Thanks. My boss has great taste."
"Yes, he does. He picked an assistant that helps him shop. See? Great taste."
I can't help but laugh at his futile attempt to give me a compliment.
"I think you were trying to give me a compliment there, Josh, so I'll say thank you."
"No problem. Hey. You want to roast marshmallows now? There's tons there." He swings his legs from the couch and reaches towards the table in front of us.
"I see that. We don't have to do this right now if you don't want to, Josh. If you want to sleep, that's okay."
"What did I say before? This is a Donna weekend. Whatever you want to do, that's what we'll do."
That has the potential to be a very evil statement, but I won't let it be. I'll be good. For now.
"Have a seat, Josh." I motion to the floor.
"The floor? But it's so comfy here on the couch."
"Trust me, you want to sit on the floor." He raises his eyebrow, and I can tell he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking.
"Okay." I can tell he has some reservations, but none the less, he does what he's asked.
"Kay. Turn around, you know, facing the other way."
"So my back is against the couch?"
"Ya."
"Kay. Now what?" I say nothing, but I sit on the couch, and put my legs on either side of him. I can feel the smile that he gets on his face, as I think he has figured out what I'm going to do.
"Donna, you don't need to do this."
"I thought this was a 'Whatever Donna wants, Donna gets' weekend."
"True. I admit defeat." He grabs my feet, which are actually covered in his nice, warm, wooly socks, and wraps my legs around his waist. I take my hands and slowly start rubbing his shoulders.
"Ow."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"It's ok. I'm just stressed out. You of all people should know that."
"True. I do know that. You need to relax, Josh."
"Is that another request?"
"If it must be, then yes."
"Kay."
"Close your eyes, just relax." I know he closes them, 'cause when he does he lets out this sigh of relief. I can tell he's surrendering to my touch. This is good.
"You really are tense, Josh. I should do this more often." He moves his head to the side, and I take that as an indication that he needs some work done on the right side of his neck. I'm more than willing to oblige. "God, it's like your neck muscles are bungee cords and they're stretched to the limit." I think he moans a little when I press hard into his neck. "Sorry!" He doesn't move the position he's in.
"No reason to be sorry, that feels wonderful. Would you mind terribly doing the other side?"
"Not at all." I take his head in my hand and gently lean his head over to the right side, stretching out the left side of his neck. I repeat the process I just completed on the left side of his neck, and I swear he moans again.
***************
I don't think Donna knows the effect that her gentle touch has on me. It's very difficult to keep my thoughts focused on her needs and wants when all I... hey! Get your mind outta the gutter! This is Donna I'm talking about, not some meet a girl, screw her, then find out she's a call girl kinda thing. I of course am using hypotheticals here. No one I know would ever do something like that. This is nice. Me and Donna snuggled on the couch, just laying together, holding each other. She's kinda laying on top of me, resting her head against my chest. Makes me feel manly. Hey, I don't think this is a good thing. She's kinda snoring. As flattered as I actually am that she feels that safe around me, I can't help feel a little insulted that she is snoring on me. I gently rub my hand on her back, hoping to wake her. Nothing.
"Donna." Still nothing. I'll try a little louder. "Donna, wake up." She IS a sound sleeper. "Donna, I need the file for the thing!"
"It's on your desk where you left it, dough head." I swear she's smiling. I look down at her, and she looks up at me. She smiles. Brat.
"Were you awake the whole time?"
"Ever since you rubbed my back, which felt quite nice by the way. That's why I didn't answer you."
"It's about 11:30, do you want to go to bed?"
"Josh, I don't know if that's such a good..."
"Hey, Donna. Let me just put your mind at ease right now. I didn't mean, you know, us, together, in the same bed, not sleeping. I meant you, in your bed, so you can catch up on your sleep. So, did you want to go to bed?"
She has a beautiful smile.
"I'm sorry, Josh. I'm just so tired." She tries to talk as she stifles a yawn. She's sweet. "I think I would, even for a few hours. I'm just so sleepy."
"No problem, Donna. I'll help you up." She presses her hand against my chest to boost herself up, and we stand up from the couch. We head up the stairs, and I make sure to have my hand on her back; just to make sure, you see, that she doesn't fall. Ya. And pigs are gonna fly outta my...
"Here we go, Donna." She kinda stumbles into her bedroom, shuffling her feet along the floor and hops into the bed. "Let me help you in there, Donna." I hold the sheets back for her, and she snuggles under the warmth of the down comforter. She looks so happy and peaceful. I pull the sheets up for her, and make sure that she's tucked in.
"Donna, if you need anything, I'm right down the hall, okay?"
"'Kay. Night, Josh."
"Good night, Donnatella. Sweet dreams." She has her eyes closed already, and I lean forward and kiss her forehead. "Happy almost birthday, Donna." She mumbles something that kind of resembles a thank you, so that's how I'll take it. I get up from the bed, and walk towards the door, turning out the lights as I shut the door behind me.
*********
"Hey. I got here as soon as I could. How is the President?"
"He's going to be just fine, Donna. Don't you worry about him."
"Hi guys. Where's Leo? Where's Josh? C.J., why is everyone looking at me weird?"
"Donna, you need to sit down."
"No, I don't, C.J. I need you to tell me where everyone is. It's obvious that you, Sam and Toby are ok. Where are Leo and Josh?"
"Donna."
"Sam, don't touch me; don't you lay a finger on me. Where is Josh?" Sam is looking at me with those eyes. The same look that he had when he found out about his dad. Oh God. Oh God. I have to be cautious. This could be bad. "Sam. Where is he?" That was surprisingly calm.
"Donna, I'm... I'm sorry."
"Sam, it's okay that you didn't call me right away. That can happen in the midst of chaos. Where is he?"
"Donna, I'm sorry. He bled a lot, and the doctors said..."
Sam said a lot of things that I probably should have listened to; I can see his lips moving, but I can't hear the words. My hand is over my mouth and the feeling that my stomach is rising to my throat is becoming more evident to me with every passing second. I push and shove my way past Sam and the members of the Senior Staff and burst my way through the doors where the Secret Service are standing. Surprisingly, they let me walk right through. I enter a room that is cold, gray and very sterile and clean. In that room, I see a body laying on a gurney, and I can only see the tips of the feet from where I stand. I walk slowly to the side of the bed and burst into tears. Josh. I take his hand in mine. This hand that used to hold my hair up for me when I was putting on my coat in the winter, the hand that would never bring me coffee just as I would never bring it to him. It's still warm. I hold his hand in mine, and bring it to my face; hoping that his ingrained hatred of my tears will bring him back. His eyes remain shut, and his chest is still. His face is pale, but he looks as though he is smiling. That's my Josh; no matter what he always has to find the funny. "I love you, Joshua. I'm sorry, it should have been me. I'm so sorry."
I feel a hand on my shoulder. Sam.
"We have to go and let the Doctor's do their work, Donna. Let's get you some coffee."
I lean over and place my lips against Josh's for the last time. The tears continue to fall from my eyes as Sam helps me out of the room. As the doctor meets us at the door, I turn to watch what they do to Josh. As they take the sheet from his chest and place it over his face, I yell his name. "JOSH!!!"
***********
"Donna, I'm right here! Wake up!"
I've never seen her have a nightmare before, and from the looks of it, this one was particularly bad. She has been tossing and turning all night; I came in to watch her sleep. You see I couldn't, and when I was recovering from the thing I used to watch her sleep. She would stay over and try to stay up past me to make sure I would sleep; it didn't always work. She would fall asleep on the couch, or on the bed watching TV with me. I would hold her close and feel her breathing against me. It's comforting.
"Donna, wake up. You're having a bad dream, sweetheart, wake up."
Her eyes open with a start. She sits up immediately when she recognizes my face. She has this look of wonder on her face. I've never seen this expression before; gotta file this one away in my memory. She raises her hand and touches my cheek.
"Please tell me this isn't a dream."
I touch her face back.
"This is very real, Donna. I am very real, you are very real, this cabin is very real and it very really early in the morning. You had a bad dream."
"It was more than that, Josh. It was hell in my sleep. I dreamt about the thing, and I dreamt that I got to the hospital too late, and I dreamt that you didn't make it, and I just about died Josh. I would have died."
She starts to cry as I take her head in my arms, and pull her close to me. It might help her calm down if she hears my heart beating with her own ears. I don't know if she is saying that she would have died in her dream, or if she would have died if anything had happened to me in reality. Hmmm. I'll ask about that later too. This is a busy day for the Josh Lyman Memory Bank.
"Donnatella, you're safe. I won't let anything happen to you."
"What about you, Josh. You can't promise me that nothing will ever happen to you again. You have to promise that you won't leave me."
Well, this is interesting. Wait; she could be still semi-asleep.
"Donna, what day is it?"
"December 14. Why?"
She's awake. Completely awake.
"Just checking. I promise that I won't leave you. I give you my word on that."
"Josh, can I ask you a favor?"
"Of course you can. This is a 'What Donna wants..."
"Can I ask you a favor? Not as a part of this weekend and things for us to do, but as Donnatella Moss asking a favor of Joshua Lyman?"
"Okay."
I have the feeling that this is going to be quite serious. Take a deep breath, Josh. Okay.
"Can you stay here with me?"
A big ass stupid grin is quickly approaching my face. Yup. It's here.
"I just mean that if I have that dream again, I want to be able to look at you and know that you're okay. Would that be okay?"
"Donna, I would love that. That would be perfectly fine by me. Let's get you back into bed."
I somehow manage to get Donna tucked in, and I go to the bathroom and pour a glass of cold water for her. She gulps it back, then pulls back the sheets for me; Donna Moss is inviting me into her bed. Oh god. Old White Republican Men. Old White Republican Men.
"Thanks. Come 'ere Donna."
I climb in and hold out my arm; she readily curls up beside me. She rests her head on my chest and brings her one arm up and across my chest so her hand is directly over my heart. That's perfect. I start running my fingers through her beautiful blonde hair, and I lean forward and give her a kiss on the top of the head.
"Good Night Donnatella."
She makes the motion of a kiss from where she is; it ends up being a kiss just below my chin. Awww. She's priceless.
"Good Night Joshua. Sweet Dreams." I close my eyes as we slowly drift off into sleep.
"You too, Donna. You too."

*****

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