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Donnatella's Sense of Snow By: Jenna Category J&D, Rating : PG * * * Donna Moss stopped in her tracks a hundred yards from Josh's townhouse. A woman in a red coat was sitting on his steps. 'Amy Gardner', Donna thought putting a name to the woman. Josh must have hit it off with her at his mockery of a business meeting and now she was waiting on his steps for him to return. Donna turned and walked away, cutting down a side street so that she wouldn't meet Josh if he were walking home from the White House. Donna lived just a couple of blocks over these days, sharing a three-bedroom apartment with a couple of flight attendants flying the Friendly Skies out of National. Sisters Celeste and Claire, the roommates were both gone tonight, having made the trans-Atlantic flight to Paris. Donna stepped gingerly on the snowy sidewalks, glad that the snow really wasn't accumulating yet. She hadn't expected the snow and she hadn't expected Josh not to be there for her. He'd convinced her to move closer, although he didn't realize it, it'd just made sense to do so when he was recovering. Between his mother, the visiting nurse, and the cleaning service, Josh had been well pampered by a multitude of women who'd felt sorry for those wounded, puppy-dog eyes and ingenious dimples. Donna usually had to be the one to bring him down to earth when he started to get too 'big for his britches'. Donna paused at the steps to her building. What had happened to the closeness that she and Josh had shared? She pulled a newspaper from her tote bag and placed it on the step and sat down to watch the snowflakes swirl by. Eighteen inches! Right! It probably went west of the city again. Not much chance of the government being shut down tomorrow. Probably just enough snow to make getting to work a pain... Not that she had an excuse anymore. Josh would call if it were bad and he'd either walk with her or have his cab stop by to pick her up. He was considerate that way, surprisingly enough. Had it really been a snowstorm... well, she smiled at the thought... he'd have told her she knows how to call a cab. Her ploy to guilt him into being late and thereby (hopefully) ticking the 'oh, so superior' Amy Gardner off had been foiled by her own competence. Josh knew too well that Donna was the practical one. Donna smile again as she ran her fingers through the dusting of snow accumulating along the edge of the stairs. She looked up to watch the snowflakes as they fell glistening in the light from the streetlamps, and smiled at the beauty of the moment. Her face fell as she thought again of the lost --something-- between her and Josh. They had been so close that sometimes it seemed as if they were a real couple, not just employer and employee. She'd tease him, cajole him, eat off his plate, share his beer-- maybe that was it. Maybe they'd gotten too close and they both ran scared. She'd never had good luck with men. She would have such hopes for an intimate relationship: she ached for that sense of belonging that was out there -- somewhere -- if she could just find the right guy. It would be all too easy to start thinking that guy was Josh, and that could not be allowed. Josh was her boss, and she had to remember that. Their relationship depended on their remembering that essential fact. Her job was to be the practical one: to keep him grounded in the real world and to not let him get carried away in silly dreams of what might have been if things were different. She missed the flirtatious edge to the banter, of course, what woman wouldn't want to feel that Josh Lyman was interested in her, but it was for the best. She had consciously chosen to go ahead and meet Cliff Calley knowing that he was with the Counsel's Office for the Oversight Committee investigating the White House. At the time, she had no idea that he would turn out to be a key player. Given Cliff's age neither of them had expected him to become the Chief Counsel just weeks after his transfer to Oversight. He'd called to apologize for abruptly leaving her the previous day and had asked if they could meet so he could explain. Once she heard it was 'Oversight' she should have called and told him to fuck off -- how she wished she could do it all over again. She wished that Claire or Celeste had been in town to keep things from going too far... He'd come to her apartment that night. He looked so sad to be unable to continue to date her. He looked lonely and in need of a hug. Donna looked down at the snow and slid her feet out smearing the snow that had outlined her shoes. She hugged her knees and though that she should go inside... but the snow was still light and the night was beautiful... "Hey." Donna looked up to see Josh standing at the foot of her stairs. "What are you doing here?" "I was gonna ask you the same thing," he replied. "I live here." "Yeah, but you usually don't camp out on the steps in the snow, or is there something you're not telling me?" She smiled sadly, not taking the bait. "I was just thinking... What about you? You're not drunk are you?" "Nooo, no, no, no. I was just taking a walk. The snow's nice." He joining Donna on the step as she spread the newspaper for him to share. "Yeah. It's lovely," she replied staring off at the snowflakes in the light. "Did you--" they both started then stopped. "You first," Josh said with a smile. Donna shrugged noncommittally and brushed a few snowflakes off her coat. "Did you ask Amy out?" "No. Did you make a date with Cliff?" "No," she shook her head. "Why not? It's obvious he likes you and you like him... If the President accepts the censure -- and Leo says he's going to -- it won't be a problem. If... if that's what you want, I mean..." She shrugged, "What about Amy? Why didn't you ask her out? I know she's interested, a woman wouldn't wait on your steps in the snow if she wasn't interested." "How'd you know Amy was waiting for me on my steps?" "I... might have happened to walk that way..." "You were going to wait for me!" "I was not. Honest to God, Josh you need to reign in that ego. I just happened to walk near there and could see someone sitting on your steps... it was Amy, wasn't it?" Josh shrugged and looked down tucking his cold hands between his knees. "Yeah. I left her rather abruptly. I dunno..." "She likes you Josh. She's perfect for you: smart, educated, cute..." Josh squirmed, not liking the subject or Donna pushing him to pursue other women -- women, he corrected. Not 'other women', that would imply that Donna was a woman -- well, he corrected himself, a woman who was not his assistant. He'd thought that they might evolve into something more than just boss and assistant, but she had let him know in no uncertain terms that she didn't have any interest in him. If she had, she'd never have hopped in the sack with Cliff Calley after knowing him the total sum of maybe --maybe-- 24 hours. Donna usually complained about all that was lacking in the gomers she dated. She must have fallen in love with Cliff at first sight for her to have done something like that -- something she knew was wrong. "Donna..." he whined, "I don't want--" He abruptly changed track, "You don't think she's a bit -- you know-- superior?" Donna smiled slightly, "I do, but then you can be pretty arrogant yourself. You're perfect for each other. You can raise little genetically superior, intellectually superior, politically-minded, unemotional--" she caught herself before saying more. "Unemotional? You think I'm unemotional?" "I think you want people to believe you're unemotional. I think you and Amy would live a picture perfect, two-high-powered-career life. You'd have your interests and she'd have hers, and you'd live a life of smoozing as political insiders in the Beltway Party Circuit." "And you think that's what I want?" She shrugged in reply. "That's... that's not what I want." "What do you want?" she asked. "I dunno... not that..." he jumped up and walked to the bottom of the steps. "You... you should go in... it's cold." "Yeah," Donna stood up and gathered up the newspaper. She turned back to face Josh standing at the foot of the stairs. "You could do better than that... be better... I don't want to -- you know -- see you settle..." "Yeah. You and Cliff... I think he's okay... he just... he shouldn't have... you know..." "Yeah. He shouldn't of, but he did. And I did something unforgivable--" "No! Not unforgivable. Never that," he reached a hand out and placed it on the stair-rail. "You fell in love..." "No. No I didn't. I was lonely. I thought I needed... something... someone... It wasn't love, Josh." "You... you're not in love with him?" She slowly shook her head, "No. I regret..." she shook her head again quickly, unable to frame the words. I wish it hadn't happened..." Josh looked down and rubbed his hand up and down the snow-covered rail. "We... we've all done things we regret. Don't... beat yourself up over what's past, Donna." "Yeah... I should go in..." she hooked her thumb back to indicate the door. "Yeah... uh..." "I'll see you in the morning." "There'll be snow... I can pick you up..." "Okay. Call me." "In the morning or--" "Both." "Okay," he smiled. Donna smiled in return, then turned and entered the building. Josh stood watching her enter the building, then waited to see the light go on in her apartment. He turned, hunched his shoulders against the cold and headed off into the snow. * * *
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