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An Innocent Kiss 6/6 by Jo March Disclaimers, etc., in part one.
Some people have regular jobs. They get to work around nine a.m., leave by five p.m., and never have to work nights and weekends. I work for Josh. That means I'm used to being at the office by eight a.m. Lots of people are there early in the morning. If you're fond of forty-hour weeks, a career in the White House is probably not for you. To be honest, one of the things I most love about this job is the pace of it-the fact that there's always something (usually something very important) going on, always lots of people scurrying around, lots of noise. You either thrive on trying to make order out of the chaos around here, or you quit within a week. Me, I thrive. So there is nothing particularly unusual about my getting to the office at 7:30. And maybe it is just my imagination when I think that the security guard who's waved me in every day since President Bartlet took office is looking at me with sympathy. I could be wrong too when I think the six people talking near my desk look up guiltily when they see me. However, I know for a fact that people start talking again as soon as I walk into Josh's office. He's wearing the same suit he had on when he dropped me off at my apartment last night. It looked rumpled then; it looks ready for the trash heap now. "You're wearing that to the meeting with Leo?" "Good morning to you too, Donna." "You're not wearing that to our meeting with Leo." "Fine, thanks. And how are you this morning?" "Josh, I've told you this before: you need to keep an extra suit here if you're going to work these kinds of hours. Your clothes make an impression. Haven't you ever read 'Dress for Success'?" "You're worried about my clothes? Cause CJ, Sam and Toby have all been here this morning, and none of them thought that what I was wearing was going to make any difference. Or at least, if they did, they didn't mention it." "What did they say?" "CJ harangued. She called me a thoughtless, misogynistic jerk. She said it had only been a matter of time until I dragged you down with me." "She's right," I reply. "What about Sam?" "Sam cackled." "Cackled?" "Seriously. He is, in his words, filled with glee. He left here whistling 'Hello, Young Lovers.' I, for one, did not find that amusing." "What about Toby?" "Oh, he just wanted to know where the briefing memo on the commerce bill was." "He didn't say anything about us?" "Well, I mentioned the meeting in Leo's office, and Toby said they should fire me and make you Deputy Chief of Staff. Frankly, I'm afraid he might pass that idea on to Leo." "You could be my assistant. This could work." "You expect me to live on what you make?" He walks over to where I'm standing. I should tell him to stop doing that thing where he invades my personal space. For some reason, I don't. "Josh," I ask instead, "how much trouble are we really in?" He's standing next to me now, exactly where we stood on Christmas Eve. He reaches out and touches my cheek and he grins. "I'm not worried," he says. "I figure nobody here is going to be stupid enough to let you go, and they know you won't stay without me." "They do? Who told them that?" "I may have suggested something along those lines yesterday," Josh says. "So what you're saying is that your fate is in my hands?" "I wouldn't go that far." "Cause I'm liking this idea. Be nice to me, or Leo fires you and I get a new boss." "I may have overstated the case." "Would my new boss pay me more?" "Not if you take this attitude with him." "Could I work for CJ? Cause, you know, we have that whole Thelma-and-Louise, men-are-scum bonding thing going." "You enjoy making me miserable, don't you?" "Torturing you does brighten my day." "You're a hard woman to live with, Donna Moss." We head off toward Leo's office. Wherever we go, people stop. They stop working, they stop talking, I swear some of them stop breathing. "Why do I get the feeling I'm about to face a firing squad here?" Josh asks. Outside Leo's office, Margaret jumps up from her desk and hugs me. She's on the verge of tears. "I blame myself," she says. "Now there's a strategy," Josh says. "Let's blame Margaret. Why are we blaming Margaret?" "The mistletoe in Josh's office," she says. "I was spreading holiday cheer." "You couldn't have put up a wreath?" Josh asks. I punch him in the arm. That shuts him up long enough for me to reassure Margaret that it's not her fault. "Because, you know, Josh has never needed any help being a jerk." "Excuse me?" Josh says. "Can we just review events here? I think I've mentioned before that I was not acting alone." "Josh, shut up," I say. I must sound upset because, for once, he actually does. Leo is making us wait. He is purposely making us wait. Margaret has gone in and out of his office twice. We all understand Leo's tactics; we've watched him use them on other people. And it's making Josh crazy. He jumps out of his chair, walks around, sits down, jumps up again. I'd usually put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down, but I guess that's not a good idea today. Finally, Margaret makes one last trip into Leo's office and back. This time, she nods and tells us we can go in. "Show time," Josh whispers into my ear. And, you know, I realize he's trying to be encouraging, but I wish he hadn't done that. It's kind of distracting. We're standing in front of Leo's desk like a couple of teenagers who got sent to the principal's office for talking in class. And the principal looks like he wants to expel us both. Leo's not saying a word, which is surprisingly effective. Josh knows he doesn't dare say anything before Leo talks; after all, there's always the chance that Leo heard the story incorrectly. Then Josh and I can be outraged and claim the moral high ground. You haven't truly lived until you've seen two professional politicians try to psych each other out. Leo breaks the silence with a nice all-purpose question: "Just what the hell is going on with you two?" There's only one safe answer to that question, and Josh beats me to it. "Nothing. There is nothing going on between us." Leo looks as though he doesn't believe Josh. "Are you sure? Because that's not the story I heard from Sam." "Sam just misunderstood something I said," Josh replies. "That's not the story I heard from Toby." "Toby wasn't even there," Josh says. He looks at me like he's hinting that I should get involved in the conversation. If we were alone, I'd remind him about that whole chain of command thing. "You do understand that this is the White House, don't you?" Leo asks. "We are supposed to be held to a higher standard of conduct here. You can't be consorting with every pretty girl who works for you, no matter what the circumstances. If the two of you can't work together professionally, you're not going to be working together at all." "You know," Josh says, "I'm not completely sure that's fair. I mean, we're two consenting adults. Suppose we wanted to-to-well, just suppose. What gives the federal government the right to tell us we can't?" "This is about political perceptions, Josh," Leo answers. "You of all people should understand that." "Yeah, well, I don't. Cause if you want to talk about perceptions, what's it going to look like when you fire Donna because we're having an affair?" Leo is the only person I know who can bellow louder than Josh. "You're having an affair with Donna?" "Hypothetically, Leo," Josh clarifies. "Hypothetically." "Because I thought this was about you kissing her. If I'd known things had gone that far--" "Hypothetically," Josh says again. "I'm not sleeping with Josh." I figure it's time to ignore the chain of command before Josh gets us both fired. "I have never slept with Josh. I don't want to sleep with Josh. I never will sleep with Josh." "So there's nothing going on here, Donna?" Leo asks. "Josh isn't taking advantage of you?" "Well, sure, but that's what he does," I answer. "That was certainly helpful," Josh mutters. "I don't mean sexually," I explain to Leo. "There's nothing going on sexually. I don't even like him half the time." "You're sure about this?" Leo asks us. "Because I gotta tell you, I've wondered about you two myself." He has? "You have?" Josh asks. "Yeah, sometimes you two act like you're already married." "We do?" I ask. "Sometimes," Leo says. "And if that's where things are headed, you can't work together. Not in this administration. We could always find another job for Donna, but not as your assistant." "That is not fair," Josh starts again. I swear the man is intent on snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. "It's also not an issue," I add. Josh, of course, ignores me. He's making an argument now, and he doesn't care that it's a non-issue. "Donna is the only assistant I've ever had who can keep me on track. I'd fall apart without her. I couldn't function. I--" You know, at moments like these, I wish I had a tape recorder. Then I could play his own words back to him every time he yells at me. Leo shakes his head. "I'm getting very mixed signals here," he says. "No," I say. "No mixed signals. Josh is just being Josh; you know how hostile he gets. There's nothing going on." "You're sure?" Leo asks again. "Cause I keep hearing subtext." Has he been talking to Sam? Josh finally comes to his senses. Sort of. "There's no subtext," he says. "Leo, you can't split us up." "All right," Leo says. "For now. But consider yourselves on probation." "What does that mean?" Josh asks. "It means no more kissing. I don't care if it's Christmas, Passover, Valentine's Day or if the groundhog just saw his shadow. One hint of impropriety, and one of you is out of here. And, Josh, it will probably be you because people actually like Donna. No hugging either. No holding hands. No touching." "But I've always touched her," Josh protests. "What?" Leo yells. Again. "Good touching," I explain, "not bad touching. Like putting his hand on my back when we're walking." "Try not to do that any more, Josh," Leo says. "Don't open yourself up to more gossip." Which is a good point and I hate to bring it up, but I do have my duty. "I think the gossip's already started," I say. "Margaret!" Leo yells. She must have been standing by the door. "Yes?" she asks as she comes in. "Is there gossip about these two?" "No more than usual," Margaret says. Leo is this close to splitting us up again; I can feel it. "About the kiss, Margaret?" I ask before Leo can say anything. "Oh, that," Margaret replies. "CJ's fixing that." "How?" Leo asks. "Well, she told Carol to tell Bonnie and Ginger-you know, in the strictest confidence-that Sam totally misunderstood something she told him." "Which was?" Josh asks. "Well, she thought at first that you were kissing Donna, but you weren't. The two of you were just standing under the mistletoe and trying to figure out who put it up. But Sam got the story wrong." Leo looks confused again. I'm starting to feel sorry for him. "How will that help?" he asks. "Well, Bonnie and Ginger will feel guilty about helping pass the rumor on in the first place, so they'll tell Kathy and me," Margaret explains. "We've got it covered from there. By the time the new story finishes making the rounds, Donna won't even like Josh." "Finally, the truth emerges," I say. Leo dismisses us, and we head back to Josh's office. CJ's revised rumor must already have made the rounds; hardly anyone pays attention to us as we make our way down the hall. "Probation," Josh mutters. "I feel like I'm in junior high." "It's not a big deal." "I think it could be unconstitutional," he says. "Get me everything you've got on--" "Josh, forget it. It's not like we're--" "I know, but if we were--" "But we're not." "I know, Donna. But if we were, it would be unfair." "But we aren't. And we won't." Josh doesn't say anything else on the subject, and I know it's just become another one of those things we don't talk about. I've been thinking about it, however, and I realize that Leo gave us two options: either stay together with a Platonic working relationship, or stop working together and have a non-Platonic relationship. Not that I think about Josh that way, you understand, but it occurs to me that there is a third option: work together, have a sexual relationship and just don't tell Sam, CJ or Toby. Not that I'd ever consider sleeping with Josh. It's just always nice to know you have options.
The End
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