Title: A Girl Named Donnatella
Author: Julia
Category: Josh/Donna, Josh/Amy, Donna/Other
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Everything up to TBVW, but nothing really specific past HL
Disclaimer: After you read this there should be no doubt that I have nothing to do with the characters in an official capacity.
Summary: Amy comes up with a plan.
Archive: Just ask.
Feedback: If you're so inclined [jmarie_ib01@yahoo.com]
Notes: This story is very loosely based on AS's infamous dating plan, which I had an inexplicable desire to mock. Thanks to Jen and Christine for beta reading
***
A Girl Named Donnatella
***
"I don't know if I can," Amy said as she stood up from her couch.
He looked up at her from his kneeling position, feeling pretty stupid watching her pace around the living room while he held the small jewelry box.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not sure-"
"I love you."
"I don't know if we're ready for this kind of commitment."
"Do you love me?"
"I- I don't know," she lied.
"Damn it, Amy. Why are you doing this?"
"I want to make sure that this is for real. You're a congressman: once we cross that line, it's hard to get out."
"What line?" he asked, getting to his feet.
Conveniently ignoring his question, she asked, "How do I know you want me?"
"Because that's what I'm telling you."
"And you're not just courting women?"
"Why would you think that? I'm courting you." She was moved by the sincerity in his voice, though she still had her doubts. After staring at him for an immeasurable amount of time, she was ninety percent sure that he was what she wanted.
But, of course, his very public profile could make getting out of a relationship more complicated. She just wished that there was some kind of test. All she needed was a little proof. Suddenly, inspiration struck. After four nights with another man she still wanted John. The fact that she was thinking about John even when she was showing Josh her old feather boa had to mean something, right? She figured it would be best to run with that.
"I have a plan," she announces.
"A plan?" he asked.
"Would you stop that?"
"What?"
"Repeating everything I say. I have a plan to make sure that this is what we both want."
"This isn't gonna be one of those tests out of Cosmo, is it?" She gave him a dirty look. "Right, you don't read Cosmo. I forgot."
"I have a plan to see if we're really ready to cross the line."
"What line?"
"It's a dating plan," she states simply, again ignoring his question about the imaginary line.
"A dating plan?" he asked incredulously. Then holding up his hands in a placating manner he added, "I wasn't just repeating you. Seriously, you made a dating plan?"
"It's a good plan."
"What does it involve?"
"You love me and I love you. If this is really how it's supposed to be, then it won't change. If we spend some time apart, go out on dates, we'll be sure that this is right."
"You want to see other people?" His tone was suddenly much higher than normal.
"Yeah."
"You're breaking up with me?" he yelled.
"No. Yeah. Kind of," Amy sputtered. She was finding it very difficult to articulate her plan, though she knew in her heart that it was brilliant.
"Well, I'm just confused." John collapsed with a sigh on her sofa and she came over to sit by his side.
Taking his hand she explained, "If, after a few months with other people, we still want to be together, we'll know it's right."
"You'll accept my proposal?"
"Yes."
"What about the other people?"
"What about them?"
"Isn't it kind of mean to date someone just to prove that you want to be with someone else?"
"This would make me more comfortable."
He sighed heavily. "Do I have a choice?"
She smiled and answered coyly, "Not really."
"So three months apart? That's it?"
"And you have to see people. It won't count if you're alone."
"Okay. The end of April. I can do that."
"Thank you."
***
John sat alone in a nearly deserted bar. He knew he should go home because his chief of staff had just informed him that his eight o'clock meeting had been moved to seven. At least, he thought that was what Andrew had said. His phone got so much damn static he was amazed that he didn't get more messages confused.
He really didn't feel like going home alone. This whole 'dating plan' was completely frustrating to him. He'd heard through a mutual friend that Amy had already found someone else to see. Joshua Lyman, Deputy Chief of Staff for the President.
Seeing a woman at the other end of the bar, he decided that he might as well get started finding 'other people.' He approached her from behind and rolled his eyes before he spoke, unable to believe that he was stooping to picking up strange women in bars.
"Can I buy you another?" he asked, noticing that she had finished her drink.
She was just about to tell him that she was fine when she recognized him.
"Congressman Tandy?"
"Uhh, yeah. Do I know you?"
"No. Well, we've met a couple of times. I'm Donna Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant."
"Oh. Okay. I'm sorry to bother you," he said, backing away.
"It's okay, really," she said hesitantly, wondering why the mention of her boss made Tandy look like he was going to be sick. "Did Josh do something?" she asked, only half in jest.
'Other than my fiancée? No, why do you ask?' he almost said. Then he decided that he would probably be a lot happier with his life if he didn't get killed by Amy for being an overprotective jackass. So he settled for a quick, "Nothing."
"Are you alright, Congressman?" Donna asked, concerned that he seemed to have some type of nervous tick.
"No, not really," John sighed, sitting down on the stool next to hers. He knew that he was a little drunk, and should probably avoid this conversation, but he couldn't muster the will to move. "See, there's this woman," he started.
"I could've guessed."
"I love her."
"She left you?"
"Not really."
"Not really?"
"I don't know. It's a plan that she came up with. We see other people for a few months, then if we still want each other, we can be together."
"So you have to follow a dating plan?"
"Yup," he replied, trying not to be too freaked out that Donna called it a dating plan, too.
Donna nibbled on her lower lip and looked questioningly at him. "Can I ask you something, Congressman?"
"Sure, and call me John."
"When someone wants to see other people, doesn't that usually mean-"
"She is fairly inept when it comes to love. She's just afraid."
"And you don't think she's seeing someone else?"
"Ohhh, she is. I just don't think that her heart is in it."
"You really do love her."
"She's bewitching."
He considered whether he should ask Donna out. She knew about the dating plan so he ran less of a risk of hurting her. Amy would hate it. Since he was forced to participate in her little plan, he might as well have some fun with it. After a long pause, he decided to go for it. "I don't suppose you would want to..."
"No, I really - I'm flattered, but I'm not the kind of -"
"I just meant- Not like that. It's just that I don't want to date someone else who I'd feel bad about hurting. And oh, my God, I just realized how incredibly bad that must sound." He sat quietly for a moment, trying to gauge her reaction. She seemed interested, but she was still hesitating. "This is about her being ready, not me. She wants me to see other people because she doesn't think that I... well, I'm not actually sure why she's insisting on it, but I want to be with her. So maybe we could just go to public functions together. That's it."
"Well, I've never dated a Congressman before."
"If it helps, I'm also a lawyer."
She smiled at him.
"And I was once in a television commercial."
"Okay," she finally conceded. After all, what was wrong with being seen in public with a handsome, well-known political figure? She also knew that it would really bug Josh that she had managed to get a life while he was so busy being ensorcelled by Amy.
He looked at his watch and realized that he should be getting home. "Do you need a ride?" he asked.
"Oh, no I'm fine. I'll just get a cab."
"Nah. I've got a driver: we can drop you off before I go home."
"I'd appreciate that," she said gratefully.
As they left, neither of them saw a woman in the bar point discretely at them to alert her date.
"Do you know who that is?" asked Margaret. "That's my friend Donna, and, unless I'm mistaken, Congressman John Tandy."
****
"What's wrong with Margaret today?" asked Ginger as she and Bonnie walked down to the mess.
"What do you mean?"
"She seems anxious." Catching Bonnie's skeptical look, she hastened to add, "More so than usual."
"I don't know. Maybe she's paranoid that Leo is going to keep trying to make his own appointments."
Laughing, Ginger said, "Yeah, that could do it. Speak of the devil."
"Hey Margaret," said Bonnie as she sat down across the table from Margaret, who was looking unusually tense. "Something wrong?" Margaret only looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights.
"No," she said after pausing just a little too long.
"Spill it," demanded Ginger.
"Leo just made me come in early today."
"Puerto Rico?"
"Yeah."
"Ah," said Bonnie.
"He makes you come in early everyday." Ginger was never one to give up easily.
"It was just- I don't want to be a gossip."
"Do you remember last Halloween when Ed and Larry showed up in costume?"
"Yeah."
"Who were they dressed as?"
"Sonny and Cher, I believe," answered Bonnie helpfully.
Margaret sighed, "Yes."
"Everyone knew about it by the end of the day. You all but sent out an e-mail."
"I didn't want to screw up the system again," Margaret mumbled into her muffin.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. Look, my New Year's resolution was not to spread rumors anymore."
Ginger knew that she wouldn't last long. Margaret was, like Sam, a spokesperson. "You know where we'll be if you decide you'd like to share," she said with a falsely sweet smile.
***
Later that night Margaret found herself wandering towards the communications bullpen, half hoping that Toby had let Bonnie and Ginger go early. She didn't really want to be that kind of a friend. She knew that she should ask Donna about what she had seen before she started talking. The problem was that Donna had left early. Well, early for her, anyway.
She had been just about to take Donna aside for a cup of coffee and ask about what she had seen at the bar a few nights earlier, when she saw a very pissed looking Donna walking out of the building huffing something about party decorations and rum.
Margaret knew that she wouldn't last another day, and hoped that if she just told a couple of people, the story would remain quiet. The communications bullpen was dark, except for a single office.
Margaret stood by his door, weighing the pros and cons of knocking. On the one hand, she knew he wouldn't tell anyone. He probably would not care at all. On the other, there was a very real possibility that if she interrupted him, she would not come out alive. The decision was easy, really.
"I'm not here."
"I just need to ask you a question."
"Tell Leo I'm not here."
"Leo didn't send me."
"Then why are you here?"
"I just wanted to pose a hypothetical situation, and get your opinion on it."
"If I refuse, you'll argue with me, win and I'll have to listen to this hypothetical situation anyway, won't I?"
Margaret just smiled.
"Just make it quick," he said, abandoning his work and leaning back in his chair.
"Okay." She paused to figure out the best way to word the question.
"What should one do if one sees one's friend... well, she- or he- is also a coworker- what should one do if... Okay. If you were to catch a friend and coworker- completely inadvertently, of course- having drinks and leaving a bar with... Okay-"
"Margaret, could you maybe just tell me what you're talking about and avoid the pronouns altogether?"
"I saw Donna on a date with Congressman Tandy. They left together in the Congressman's car," she said in a rush.
"Maybe they're friends."
"I don't think so. He had his arm around her and the whole thing just seemed a little... romantic."
Toby sat and looked expectantly at Margaret. When she just stared back at him, he sighed and asked, "Was there a reason that you felt the need to interrupt me and share this?"
Margaret searched her mind frantically for an excuse better than, 'I really needed to tell someone and you were the least gossipy person that came to mind.' She finally settled on, "I just wanted to make sure you didn't think that it would look bad for a White House staffer to be dating a member of congress." The look that Toby gave her told her that her chosen excuse wasn't much better than the truth.
"I think the administration will survive," he said dryly.
"That's good to know," Margaret said as she backed slowly out of his office, as though she were trying to escape an angry bear. If he glared at her any harder she might have considered falling down and playing dead on Toby's floor. Fortunately for Margaret, he just began working again.
***
Margaret started to worry when Donna wasn't at her desk the next morning. When she asked around, Bonnie told her that Donna was serving jury duty. It was two days before she saw her again.
"Hey, Donna," Margaret said as she approached Donna's desk. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure."
"I was just wondering... I saw you having dinner with Congressman Tandy and... I was just wondering if you and he are..." she trailed off leadingly.
"Oh. Uh, yeah, we're seeing each other." Something about Donna's behavior seemed odd. She was always the type to share information about whomever she was seeing. Now, however, she seemed very reluctant to say anything.
"That's what I thought. I just wanted to make sure," said Margaret, hoping to diffuse the tension that had settled between them.
"Margaret?"
"Yeah?" she asked, glad that the awkward silence had been broken.
"Could you not tell anyone about this? I mean, it's just with all the gossip that goes on around here, I know how things can get blown out of proportion." She spoke quickly, using her hands, and Margaret had no doubt that there was more to this than met the eye.
"You're worried Josh will find out," Margaret said without thinking. She had meant to reassure her friend, and spend the rest of the day trying to forget about the whole situation.
"Yes. No. You know how he gets," Donna answered, becoming even more flustered.
"I think he'd be happy to have the Congressman dating someone." She was trying to diffuse the situation but got the distinct impression that she was digging herself deeper.
"Why would he care who John dates?"
"So he'd know that he's not out trying to steal his girlfriend. Amy, I mean."
"John dated Amy Gardner?"
"Yeah. My friend Joanna works as an assistant for the WLC and she said that he and Amy were pretty serious for a while."
"But that was a long time ago, right?"
"Pretty recently, actually. That's why I was so surprised when she started dating Josh. I thought she was still with the Congressman."
Donna's face had taken on a distinctly panicked expression. "I- I'm sorry Margaret. I've got to go... um, I've just got a phone call I have to make"
"Okay," Margaret said as she reluctantly left her friend at her desk, silently cursing her need to meddle.
Donna's flipped quickly thorough her Rolodex, picked up the phone and tucked the receiver between her shoulder and ear. "Hi, this is Donna Moss calling for Congressman Tandy. Yes, I'll hold." Donna tried, without much success, to look like she was working while she waited to hear his voice on the other end of the line. "John, I need to talk to you."
****
It was late afternoon as Donna approached his office. His assistant let her right in, and closed the door behind her.
"You never told me that it was Amy Gardner," she said without preamble.
"Does it matter?" he asked, retreating behind his desk and nodding toward a visitor's chair.
"You know who she's dating." Donna meant it to be a question, but her tone left no doubt that she knew the answer.
"Um, yeah." She was glad that she seemed to have caught him off guard with her assertiveness.
"Then you know that he's my friend. My boss." She was upset that Josh was being used, but, more than that, she was upset that she knew about it, and was partly responsible- no matter how small her role.
At first this had been a way to bother Josh, make him squirm a bit. But he hadn't even batted an eye when she told him that she was seeing someone. It hit her the night of the Iowa Caucus: Josh wasn't using Amy. He really liked her, he wanted her, and Donna had no right to interfere with them. Now things were complicated. Well, more so than usual. Now she had to deal with the fact that she was involved in the deception.
She had to decide what to do. She could tell the truth and live with the inevitable embarrassment and mocking that she would face from her coworkers and close friends, not to mention Josh. Unless he was angry and decided to shoot the messenger, in which case she could look forward to being mocked by friends and former coworkers.
Or Donna could do her best impression of Colonel Klink and leave Josh to find out about Amy on his own. Although then she would have to deal with the guilt of letting him get hurt.
Damned if she did, damned if she didn't.
Then again, there was always her all-purpose contingency plan: Plan B. Basically, it involved dying her hair red, packing her bags, moving to Arizona and making a living as a flautist, playing in local jazz clubs.
"Look, I didn't-" John began to protest.
"You're using me to drive her crazy," she accused.
"And what exactly are you using me for?" he asked in an attempt to regain the upper hand in the conversation. She had no good answer. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before he continued, smirking, "He's a big boy. I'm sure he can handle himself."
"She's using him," she said quietly, trying not to dwell on why that bothered her so much.
"Are you going to tell him?"
"I think I have to," said Donna, realizing that Arizona would be much too hot for her by the time summer came, and that her father had sold her flute at a garage sale ten years ago.
"You shouldn't."
"What does it matter to you?"
"I'm just looking out for you. When he finds out he's just gonna shoot the messenger."
"You don't know him. Why?" she asked again.
"You never answered my question." Seeing the perplexed look on her face, he clarified, "What are you using me for?"
"Why are you doing this?" she countered.
"Are you trying to throw me off by answering all my questions with questions?"
She smiled. "Are you afraid Amy will find out?"
He wouldn't admit to being so self-centered. He liked to think he was better than that; that he really did put others before himself. The truth was, if Amy got dumped now she would find another way to keep him at arms length, and he'd rather live with the devil he knew.
"I love her," he said simply. Repeating his new mantra under his breath. 'Ten weeks. Just ten weeks.'
"That seems like a lot to go through for love."
"I think it's worth it," said John, with much more conviction than he felt.
"I hope you're right." Something in her voice made him wonder if she was still talking about him and Amy.
***
"So, how are you?" Toby asked. He stood uncomfortably in front of Josh's chalkboard.
"I'm fine."
"How's Donna?"
Josh looked at Toby as though he'd sprouted a third eye. "She's fine," he answered warily. "What do you need, Toby?"
"I just heard something about her recently and didn't want you to be surprised." Toby grabbed an apple from Josh's fruit basket and began tossing it in the air. Josh was almost amused to see him so flustered.
"I already know about it. It's nothing to worry about." He said nonchalantly, trying his damndest to keep from laughing at Toby's confusion. Toby Zeigler, who liked to think he knew everything, who was just a little out of the loop on this one.
"It doesn't bother you?" Toby was honestly surprised by Josh's reaction. He wasn't playing it cool. He wasn't acting angry, or making sniping, passive-aggressive comments. If anything, he seemed almost smug.
"Why would it bother me? She won't take it."
"It?"
"Yeah, the job with some Internet startup company."
"Ah." An almost imperceptible smile spread across Toby's face.
"What were you talking about?" Josh asked when Toby put the apple down and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Her boyfriend."
"Boyfriend? You mean the lawyer? I'm fine with it," he said while leafing through the 2003 budget draft, very obviously not reading it at all. And when the wheels come off the wagon, she'll be all the wiser, he thought bitterly.
"Okay, because you didn't seem to think too much of him when he was dating Amy." Toby watched Josh's forehead wrinkle as he processed this new information.
"Congressman Tandy? That's-" Impossible? Stupid? Wrong? Toby just stood quietly while a hundred different things went through Josh's mind. "How is it that you always hear these things before me?" he asked, when he realized that he was being watched.
"I hear everything."
"No. I mean-" he said, almost glad for the distraction.
"Apparently when you're prickly, people don't think twice about gossiping to you."
"Ah," he said, unable to think of anything better.
"Well, I should be getting back to see if Sam has finished his six paragraphs." Toby excused himself, at the same time thinking about the twenty-eight pages he finished the night before. But his excuse fell on deaf ears. Josh continued to stare at the budget, but his mind was a million miles away.
How could she do this to him?
No, he thought. He would not do this. He had this, this... relationship with Amy. It shouldn't matter that his assistant was dating someone. Someone who was an effeminate, politically-minded, ballet-loving jerk. Still, that didn't make it any of his business. This was not something that he was worried about in the least, because he had Amy and that was enough.
Glancing at his watch he noticed that it was after six. Donna had been gone for over two hours. Hesitating only a moment, he picked up his phone and hit the first button on his speed dial.
He very nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard her cell phone ringing in his doorway.
"I brought food," she offered, holding up several Styrofoam containers.
"I was calling you," he said as an explanation of his reaction.
"I figured. Have you finished going over the notes I left for you?"
"The two I could read," he complained good-naturedly, holding up a stack of index cards a half inch thick. "Care to translate over dinner?"
She took a deep breath. "I was actually hoping I could talk to you about something." And instantly the fleeting moment of normalcy between them had vanished.
"Personal?" asked Josh, overwhelmed by a feeling of dèja-vous. He desperately wished things could be normal again. He wanted to be able to talk to her without being afraid that she'd pull the rug out from under him again.
"Yeah," she responded, trying to recall when she had last experienced the tension and awkwardness that settled between them. It seemed so familiar, but she was certain that she hadn't felt it with Josh until six months ago. She wished for things to be the way they were before, when she didn't have to spend so much energy on this friendship. When she knew where she stood.
"Have a seat," he said, as she closed the door quietly.
***
Donna sat quietly twisting her hands in her lap. She made no indication that she was going to speak, so Josh decided to get the ball rolling, and get what was sure to be an uncomfortable conversation out of the way more quickly.
"I know what you came to tell me about."
"You do?"
"Yeah, and you can't see him anymore."
"Excuse me?"
"I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to control your personal life, 'cause I'm not. This is politics, Donna. It's just-"
"Who can't I see anymore?" she asks, hoping desperately that he doesn't think that she's still seeing Cliff.
"Congressman Tandy."
"Okay," Donna drawled slowly. "a.) It's none of your business, and b.) That's not what I wanted to tell you."
"I think it is my business."
"Why on earth does my personal life concern you at all?"
"I worry," He stated simply. And he did. He didn't think she should settle for the idiots find her, and Tandy was no exception. She was better than that, he thought to himself.
She looked at him skeptically and he continued. "I mean, all the evidence shows that you still have a tendency to attract real losers, and so I worry."
His remark had stung, and she wanted to get out of this conversation before either of them said something they'd regret. "You're worried I've been selling state secrets?" She meant her remark to lighten the mood, but this conversation was not one to be taken lightly.
"Have you?" Josh asked quickly and without thinking.
The air in his office remained perfectly still. Josh couldn't think of anything to say that would come close to excusing his remark, so he said nothing. He watched her for a reaction, but saw none.
Donna didn't even breathe for a moment. She had no doubt that it wasn't sarcasm. He was being serious. He honestly thought that she would... She didn't know how to respond. Her first impulse was to leave his office; just run away and hope that everything would be okay when she came back. That urge was fleeting. In the next instant, she couldn't decide whether to yell at him, or smack him. Though, through all of these internal thoughts, she was careful to keep her expression neutral. She refused to let him know how much he could hurt her. That was the one thing she had left.
No, she decided, she could still be the better person. Then later she could decide to leave him, or yell at him, or sic Margaret and Ginger on him. "What I wanted to tell you," Donna began, only a small crack in her voice betraying her carefully masked emotions, "was that Amy is still involved with the Congressman. I just found out about it. Apparently she made up some asinine *dating plan.* I thought you should know that."
Josh couldn't think of any response. He felt like an ass, sure, but more than that, he was upset that she wasn't upset. Countless times in the past he would bait her, just to reassure himself that she cared. He made casual comments about almost dying or about her taste in men. This was the first time that she failed to react at all.
When she asked, "Do you still need the research on the energy package by this afternoon?" he could only nod dumbly and wonder how badly he had fucked up.
***
"Donnatella?" Amy perched on his desk, swinging her legs and grinning widely.
"No, John actually," he responded without looking at her. Though he would've liked to pretend that he was still okay with their relationship, the truth was, only two weeks into Amy's brilliant plan and he was seriously considering calling it quits.
She gave him a little smile. "You're dating a girl named Donnatella?"
"Yup," he said nonchalantly. He shuffled through some paperwork on his desk as he waited for Amy to freak out. He highly doubted that she'd find the situation amusing for much longer.
"Because that's about the silliest name that I've ever heard."
"I think Pixley is worse," he grinned, recalling a conversation about the absurd names of some of her college roommates.
"But you're not dating Pixley. You're dating a girl named Donnatella," Amy said, pronouncing the name with the Italian accent she spent a summer in Naples perfecting.
"We've established this."
"It's just a funny name, is all. So, is she an art history major or just a hippie?" There was still hope, he reasoned. If she was concerned enough to belittle a woman whom she wasn't even aware she knew, she must have still cared a little. Suddenly, it became supremely important to see if this was true. He wanted to make her squirm.
"Neither. She works at the White House." Oh, he wanted a camera. He was going to savor his victory. He bet that the "dating plan" wouldn't sound like such a good idea when she realized that she knew the woman whom he was dating.
"The White House?"
"Senior Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff for Strategic Planning."
Amy's face paled slightly, and she became agitated. Not noticeably so, but John knew her well enough to note the way her left hand clenched tight and the slight catch in her breathing.
"You know, that sounds awfully familiar."
"Does it, now?" He didn't even try to hide his Cheshire cat grin.
"Why are you doing this, John?"
"Because you're making me," he said this as though it were the most obvious statement in the world.
"I didn't tell you to go out and date my boyfriend's secretary."
"You just told me to go date someone and I found her."
"You are not working in the spirit of the plan," she said petulantly.
"It's a stupid plan." His irritation with Amy's brilliant plan was apparent in his voice, and he had a feeling that they were about to have an argument.
"If you would just take it seriously-"
"You can't get upset because I'm seeing me with someone else. I'm doing just what you told me to. Unless this is just some way for you to get out there one last time before you're tied down to me," John exclaimed.
"That's not it at all. I just find it interesting that in such a large city you managed to meet a woman who has such a close relationship with my boyfriend."
"And I think it's interesting that you've managed to end up in bed with two major players in the Democratic Party in the last two months."
She opened and closed her mouth a few times. She was unsure of how to respond to his accusation because, well, she didn't have a good response. Realizing that she would never win that particular argument, she moved on to other matters.
"We only have ten weeks left," she announced, and John knew that this was as close as Amy would come to admitting that he was right. When he didn't speak, she added, "And I'm glad to see that you've gotten over your ethical dilemma. You're not going to hurt anyone."
"About that," he started hesitantly.
"You didn't." Her body once again stiffened as she looked at him with a wide-eyed, almost panicked expression.
"And she wasn't too happy when she found out it was you either."
"She's not going to tell him?"
"I don't know. I tried to talk her out of it, but I'm not sure what good it did."
"Damn it," muttered Amy, jumping off his desk and grabbing her cell phone out of her purse. "It'll be okay, John." He wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure him or herself.
When she left his office without so much as a wave goodbye, he wasn't so sure he wanted things to be okay anymore. Before, he thought that this was just a way for Amy to work out some of her doubts about them. But now he wasn't sure. If she loved John as much as he loved her, then why was she so intent on saving this two-month-old relationship with another man?
****
Josh sat in his office doing nothing for almost fifteen minutes. He kept replaying his conversation with Donna in his head; more specifically, the comment he made about her love life. He didn't know why he said it. Well, that wasn't entirely true, he knew why he said it. For the life of him, he couldn't imagine why she felt the need to settle for someone like Tandy. He was beneath her under any circumstances, but to date him even though he was involved with someone else? Josh couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around it.
Tandy was dating Amy. Amy wanted Tandy. That thought didn't bother him as much as it should have, he realized. He wasn't all that surprised, in fact. He and Amy had never really tried to be close, but still, losing was not something he took well to. He was startled out of his thoughts by a small buzzing sound. Looking around, he realized that he was being paged on his intercom.
"Amy's on line two," came a cold, faint voice that disconnected as abruptly as it had started.
"Hey, Josh." Amy's voice had an almost forced cheerfulness in it that he recognized immediately as the one she used when she wanted something.
"Hi."
"I was wondering if we could talk."
"I'm kinda busy right now," he said truthfully, looking at the clutter on the top of his desk.
"It's seven o'clock. I'm sure you can get away for dinner."
The idea that Amy was making demands of him was just a little strange. But he didn't really feel the need to deal with that yet. He had more important things to worry about. Donna dropped two file folders on his desk before mumbling that she was leaving for the night. "I really don't have time, Amy," he said distractedly.
"Don't get pissed at me because you can't get off work," Amy warned, seeming kind of defensive.
"I'm not pissed," he lied.
"You're a crappy liar. I'll be there in twenty minutes. I'm sure your secretary can find a spare half hour," said Amy, pronouncing the word 'secretary' oddly.
"Amy-"
"Bye," she said, preemptively cutting off his protests. He decided that he might as well confront her tonight; he wasn't getting much accomplished around here anyway.
***
"Margaret!" She looked up from her desk at Donna's harsh whisper.
"Yeah?" Margaret asked confusedly.
"Walk with me?" Margaret couldn't help but notice that it was only seven o'clock and Donna had her coat and purse with her.
"Okay."
"You told Josh," she announced when they were alone on the stairs.
"What?"
"You. Told. Josh."
It took Margaret a few moments to figure out what Donna was talking about. "He found out about that? Was it bad?"
"You were the only one who knew and I asked you not to say anything, but you told him," Donna repeated. Margaret suspected her tone was calm only because they were now in the mess with a few others.
"I swear I didn't say a word to Josh."
"Then who *did* you tell?"
"I just... I saw you with the Congressman and I didn't want to spread rumors. I'm so sorry, I didn't want to gossip. I'm really trying not to. But this... I just had to get someone's opinion, so I-"
"Margaret," Donna interrupted.
"Sorry. I told Toby, but that was it."
Donna sat down at a table in the corner and put her face in her hands.
"Was it bad?" asked Margaret hesitantly. She sat between Donna and the rest of the room, doing her best to give her some privacy.
"It was. I don't want to talk about it."
"I'm so sorry," she said sincerely. It broke her heart that she had hurt her friend. It was no secret that Donna had a bit of a crush on Josh, and that her feelings were more or less reciprocated. But their relationship sometimes seemed very destructive: Both had the power to hurt the other and oftentimes it seemed as though both were more willing to torture each other as admit it.
"It's not your fault. It wasn't just John. This whole damn thing has gotten really out of control," Donna admitted.
"What whole thing?"
"I'm sorry. I can't..."
"I won't tell anyone. I swear."
"I'm not dating him," she said quietly.
"Congressman Tandy?"
"Yeah."
"But you told me-"
"It was a sham." Donna looked briefly up to Margaret's eyes but quickly resumed staring at the table. "He has this girlfriend who is kind of insane, and decided that they should see other people before they, um, got married."
"And you're his other people. I'm so sorry. That's a really crappy thing to do to someone." Margaret could only imagine what Josh had said to Donna upon receiving this bit of information, but she knew it must be bad if Donna was getting ready to leave before ten o'clock.
"I knew about it. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal- it's not like I have anything better to do with my time," she admitted with a humorless chuckle. Margaret could tell she felt awful.
"And you told Josh about this?" she asked, unable to think of a better response.
"I kind of had to."
"Why?" Donna fixed her with a significant look. "Oh my God. Amy Gardner?"
"Yes."
"And that's why Josh freaked out?"
"Probably."
"You don't know?"
"I didn't wait around to hear his response."
"Oh. So I take it *he* said something."
"I'm just sick of him getting so possessive all the time. Sometimes I feel like an indentured servant."
"He's just jealous," Margaret blurted out without thinking. Crap, she thought. She hadn't meant to say that. Donna didn't act shocked or disturbed, though; she merely snorted softly.
"Yeah, like a five year old who doesn't want his mommy to go out on dates."
"That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean?" Margaret just looked at her wide-eyed, wondering if she was possibly a masochist. Why else would she continue to put herself in such awkward positions? "Margaret," Donna prompted again. Shit.
"I meant that it's because... well, he likes you too."
"Too?"
"I just... I don't want to gossip. But I do see things, and-"
"You're wrong."
Margaret wanted to ask whether she was wrong in saying that Josh liked her or in implying that Donna liked him that way, but Margaret decided that she would overcome her self-flagellating impulses this time. "You need to go get drunk," she suggested instead.
"I think that might be the best thing I could do right now."
"Give me an hour. I'm sure I can get Leo to let me go."
"I'll meet you at Wilson's at eight fifteen?"
"Sounds good," Margaret said, hoping she could at least make Donna's evening better.
***
"Let's go."
"I've got a half hour." Josh didn't make any attempt to get up, as though he were expecting a fight. One that Amy was more than happy to deliver.
"J, that'll only give us enough time to get there, have drinks and come back."
"We could go to the mess." Amy gave him a distasteful look.
"Maybe we don't need to eat. I really just wanted to talk to you."
"About Congressman Tandy?" Josh asked bitterly, surprising Amy.
"She told you," she realized.
"So it's true?" He was smiling, but Amy could see no warmth in his face.
"We knew this wasn't love." Amy started in on the offensive. She would not let Josh turn her into the bad guy in this.
"*You* did."
"Come off it, you're no more invested in this than I am."
"But I'm not dating two people at once."
"That's debatable," she scoffed.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You're not doing this because you needed to find a way to get back at your girlfriend?"
"My girlfriend?"
"You don't remember our first conversation? When I asked-"
"When I met with you, I hadn't seen Joey for almost six months." He was playing dumb and she knew it. Amy didn't honestly believe that Josh was dating his assistant, but she did know that there was more there than he let on.
"Not Joey," she clarified icily.
"You're insane," he declared, but the fact that he was suddenly speaking like a castrato betrayed his sarcastic delivery.
"I'm not other people, so don't talk to me like I am." Amy was losing control of the conversation, but she didn't know how to get it back.
"Now you're mad at me? I don't know where you get the nerve to-"
"I've known you for twenty years, and contrary to what you may think, you're not that deep."
Josh didn't respond, and that said more than all the derisive, sarcastic remarks that he tossed at her over the course of their relationship. They stared at each other, knowing what was coming. Josh was the first to break eye contact. "I guess we're not going to have to worry about finding time to make up that trip to Tahiti."
"That's too bad. We could have had a good time." And she honestly believed that a few more weeks with him could have been fun.
"No, I don't think we could have," he said coolly, looking into her eyes one last time.
"Jackass," she muttered as she left, just loud enough for him to hear. There was no way she was going to let him get the last word. By the time she was outside she had already dialed Tandy's number.
"John? I need to talk to you. It's Amy. AMY. We need to talk. Can we go somewhere to- what?" Sometimes Amy really hated whoever it was who invented cellular phones. "Where? The one where the hurried with midget mop? Oh, Wilson's. Sure. A half hour? I said, HALF- okay. Bye."
****
"We've learned a lot this last month, John. We should accelerate the schedule a little."
"You don't want to see other people now?"
"I'm thinking three months was a little too long."
"Did you get dumped?" He really hoped the answer was no. Because if she decided she did want to be with him only because someone else rejected her... that would be the worst.
"I was not dumped. It was mutual. Things between us weren't working out." When John didn't speak, Amy asked, "What's the problem? You didn't like the plan anyway."
"I don't know what to make of this, Amy," John declared in a harsh whisper. "You tell me you want to see other people to save our relationship, while you're *conveniently* already dating someone. Then when you get dumped you decide that our relationship isn't quite as in need of saving as it was."
"John."
"You slept with him?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.
"We never made any provisions about-"
"That's a yes?"
"I'm just saying-"
"Give me a straight answer. That's all I want from you."
"I slept with him," she said almost proudly before snorting, "You aren't screwing his secretary?" He knew she was trying to misdirect him, trying to prove that he was just as bad as she was, something she had done on many occasions. This time, though, it wouldn't work.
"No." He hated that he was so happy at her discomfort, but part of him was glad to have the moral high ground. Somehow she always came out of their fights victorious, but no amount of eye rolling or arguing or hitting on the head would accomplish that this time.
"Look, we can get past this." She reached across the table and took his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb lightly over his knuckles. He watched their hands sadly and wished he could be sure that this- one of many little physical intimacies- wasn't just 'plan b' for winning an argument.
"I'm not sure I want to get past this," he told her solemnly, as he disengaged their hands.
"But... I love you."
John had to close his eyes to block out the lost, confused look on her face. He took a deep breath and hoped he was strong enough to do this. "Amy-" he was interrupted by a shrill ringing. He answered his phone to hear his slightly hysterical chief of staff. He listened, staring intently at the drink in front of him before he hung up. "That was Andy. I have to go."
"I'll call you later and we'll talk."
"I'll call *you*," he said because he needed to get control of the situation and this was the best way to start.
After John left, Amy just sat at her table swirling the ice in her glass. It was such a good plan. She loved John and he loved her, so what went wrong?
A girl named Donnatella.
That was what screwed up her carefully laid plans. If John had done what he was supposed to and found himself a cute, naïve farm girl or even a desperate, middle-aged socialite, everything would have worked out.
As Amy continued to go over the failure of her plan in her mind, she gradually got the feeling that she was being watched. Looking around the room, she saw a redheaded woman looking horrified at her. Then she noticed the woman's companion, holding her head in her hands. Amy knew who it was and suspected, from her hysterical laughter that she was drunk. The mature, responsible thing to do would be to pretend she hadn't seen them and simply leave.
She decided that mature and responsible could wait for another day.
***
"I don't understand this at all." Margaret was even more confused now that she had all the details of Amy's dating plan than she had been before. Although she suspected that that might also have something to do with the fact that she'd had quite a lot to drink. But she wasn't going to complain because she had succeeded in her mission of cheering Donna up, although she figured Jack Daniel's was probably responsible for the sudden upswing in her mood.
"You're not the only one." Donna drank the rest of her whiskey sour in one gulp before musing, "I wonder if it had to do with their positions."
"Their positions?" Margaret's voice was considerably higher than normal.
"Their jobs."
"Oh, that kind of position."
"Margaret! Yes," Donna laughed.
"That's what I thought. I doubt she'd be staying with them for the other. Men with that much power are generally the same in bed as they are at work: they feel entitled to... uh, preferential treatment. Well, senators, anyway. I can't say I've had much experience with high level bureaucrats."
"Margaret?" Donna interrupted.
"Too much information?"
"Yeah, a little."
"Sorry." After a short pause she spoke again. "I think Amy only really enjoys a man if she's got her hand up his ass." Seeing Donna's shocked expression, Margaret hastened to clarify. "Like a ventriloquist. Speaking through someone else."
"Oh," Donna sighed, relieved.
"That and she doesn't move her mouth when she talks," added Margaret with a giggle.
Donna, also well on her way to being drunk, laughed so hard tears fell from her eyes. "So maybe she spends too much time with her dummies to fully appreciate human social interaction."
Margaret's laughter died suddenly and she covered her eyes. "Come on, that was funny," insisted Donna.
"Whatever you do, don't look to your left," Margaret warned. Which, of course, caused Donna to turn her head reflexively to the left.
"Oh, God," she groaned, wishing that she had followed Margaret's advice.
Margaret couldn't look away, despite her mind's advice to get out of the bar as quickly as possible. After a minute, she noticed that Amy was staring right back at her. "I think she's coming over here," Margaret whispered. "I'll call us a cab."
Margaret got to her feet, stumbling only a little. Donna grabbed for her sleeve, obviously not wanting to cope with Amy, but Margaret was too quick and managed to slip away just as Amy took her seat.
***
"Hi, Amy." Her voice was laced with the false sincerity and enthusiasm with which she had answered countless phone calls for the last few weeks, but her words were slightly slurred, making her feel distinctly disadvantaged in the conversation.
"Are you drunk?" a quite obviously amused Amy asked.
Donna cocked her head to the side and regarded her curiously. After a moment she said, "It's a distinct possibility. You're not drunk too, are you?"
"Not nearly drunk enough to deal with you."
"What's wrong with me?" Donna had meant the question to be humorous, but it came out sounding much more serious than she intended. She honestly didn't care if she had this woman's approval, but when she drank too much she either go extremely happy of very sentimental. Four whisky sours was too much.
Amy didn't acknowledge the slight quiver in Donna's voice. "You just had to ruin this," she continued as if she hadn't been interrupted.
"You and Josh?" Donna asked, her sadness replaced by befuddlement.
"Me and John."
"You and John? You broke up?"
"I... I think so," responded Amy quietly. She was now gripping her glass tighter and avoiding eye contact with Donna, something she found odd, since Amy was not one to hold back an opinion.
"I'm sorry. But I didn't do anything to you and John."
"You told Josh about the dating plan."
"Yes." Donna waited for some clarification about how that had impacted John and Amy. "And I had to fix it."
Amy's frustration made Donna very happy. "Spent too much time with your boyfriend and your fiancé felt neglected?" Donna joked.
"I was not neglecting anyone. This is not some nineteen fifties sit-com where he expects me to bring him his slippers every night." At that moment Donna pictured a scenario out of 'I Love Lucy." Amy standing on the House floor, wearing a top hat, a false beard, half falling off, and crying, "Don't blame Ethel. This plan was all my idea," and finishing with a pathetic whine. "I'm sorry, Joooooooooohnny." This image struck her as so funny that she once again began giggling uncontrollably.
"Okay, this was a bad idea," Amy mumbled, getting up.
"No," said Donna, struggling to regain her composure. "It's just that I don't know how you can blame me for any of this." She managed to stop laughing, but she was still joyful.
Amy began counting the list off on her fingers. "You told Josh about the plan. You pissed him off. You turned my fiancé against me using your... I don't know, feminine wiles. I had nothing to do with any of that."
"I'm sorry about what happened with Josh. Well, not really, but I had nothing to do with it. He liked you and actually told you that, which is just... well, I thought maybe the pod people had abducted him. And, frankly you screwed him."
"I don't think you are in a position to understand my relationship with Josh."
"I think maybe I am," she said, not hiding her irritation over being interrupted. She went on. "Then there's John. You had him. Do you know what happened when we met? He told me about his girlfriend and this bizarre plan, and I asked him, 'why would you do this for her?' Can you guess what his answer was? 'Because I love her.' You had him, Amy."
Donna saw Margaret standing a few feet from her and stood up. She dropped a few bills on the table and looked squarely at Amy. "He was yours in more ways than I think you realize. He did what you asked him to and all you've done is hide behind this bizarre and, frankly, psychotic behavior."
With that, she walked away. She had gotten the last word in the conversation and was ridiculously happy for it. She was somewhat deflated when she tripped over her own foot and fell on top of Margaret at the door, but still figured that she had managed to come out ahead for the night.
****
"Are you okay?"
"Hunh? Yeah, I'm fine."
"'Cause you looked kinda..."
"It's been a very long day," Josh sighed. He'd been sitting in Sam's office for over an hour listening to Sam talk about the fallout from the Secretary's unfortunate remark at a fundraising banquet. He hadn't heard a word out of Sam's mouth. At the moment he was more concerned with his own idiotic remarks.
He'd lost his temper and said something stupid, which was not all that unusual. But usually that only happened when he was presented with something he found personally important. Guns, NSC cards, suicidal pilots.
Donna.
"You said something stupid, didn't you?"
"What? No."
"You look like you did after you gave that press briefing."
"Don't worry about it, Sam."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Josh said getting up and opening the door. "Are we done here? I've got some other stuff I've gotta take care of."
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"This isn't about, ah... the thing with Donna a couple of weeks ago, is it?" Damn it, Josh thought. Toby really was a gossip.
He turned around and gave Sam a quizzical look. "No. Why?"
"Because you look like you're about to get into trouble for beating up a congressman or something."
"Honestly, Sam, it's..." he stumbled over the word 'fine' and settled for "not a big deal."
"Okay. I just know that you tend to get a little... protective."
"I do not get protective," Josh said defensively, turning back into the office and shutting the door.
"Sorry. I was just making sure I wouldn't have to draft a letter of apology from the President. Josh winced; he must be really pathetic for Sam to try to distract him with the funny.
"Drop it, okay." Josh hoped that by leaving now he'd be able to spare himself the blow his ego would take were Sam to put his arm around his shoulder to offer advice. He wasn't sure he'd survive that.
Right before he was out of the office Sam stopped him. "You have Amy. Let... Donna deserves something."
"Yeah," he responded without much conviction in his voice.
He didn't have Amy. Not that he particularly minded her absence.
All he did have was a vague idea why the idea of Donna with other men was so offensive: because they were losers. Except that dentist she dated a couple of summers ago. And the one lawyer she saw during their first year in office. So they weren't all losers, but they still bothered him.
Maybe, he thought, it had more to do with Donna than her boyfriends.
Josh stewed for most of the rest of the day. During the past two weeks both he and Donna had tried to act normal. But something was off. The comfort level between them he counted on seemed to be gone. He still yelled for her and she chided him for shouting, but he didn't make her type inane e-mails to his old college buddies under the pretense of his technological incompetence. She didn't try to take his coat or his food anymore. He didn't know how to get things back to the way they were, and it frustrated him immensely.
The growing distance was more scary than frustrating. Especially as he slowly came to the realization that he might want to have less distance, not more.
He needed advice if he didn't want to screw this up because unlike his feigned problems with computers, his romantic ineptitude was no pretense.
***
"Toby, can I ask you a question?"
"If it's about the Education Secretary's statement, then no."
"It's not about that. It's... well, kind of personal."
"That tie doesn't go with that shirt," he said blandly when he finally looked up.
"What?"
"You look like Regis Philbin."
"But just because of the tie, right?"
"Sure," Toby mumbled, going back to work.
"That wasn't my question."
"Go ahead and ask."
"I broke up with Amy," Josh said simply.
"That was a statement, not a question," said Toby, unsure of what exactly Josh wanted to hear from him.
"But it brings up quite a few interesting questions."
"Such as...?"
Josh had to ask the question for the simple reason that, if he was wrong he would make an idiot out of himself and end up having to ask for a transfer to the Yukon. So he responded without hesitation, "I think Donna likes me."
"Once again, I'm going to have to point out that-" Toby's calm tone did not belie his surprise at this development.
"Toby," Josh warned before continuing. "Does she?"
"Like you?" Josh nodded. "You would know best. You spend more time with her than anyone."
"You know, you're not being very helpful."
"What do you want me to say?"
Running his hand through his hair, Josh stopped pacing and collapsed onto Toby's couch. "I don't know," he sighed. "Do you think she does?" he asked again, hating that he sounded like a twelve year old.
"I doubt she would have stayed around all these years if she hadn't found some redeeming qualities in you." Josh only glared at him. "I don't want to get in the middle of this, Josh," Toby said seriously. "It's not my place."
"You're right. Of course you're right. I just..."
"Would it make you uncomfortable if she...?" Toby trailed off making a strange circling motion with his hand. He really didn't want to have this conversation, but left to his own devices Josh would only make the situation worse. He'd probably go to Sam for romantic advice, and there was just no way that would end well.
"I don't really know." Josh took a deep breath. After he admitted this out loud there would be no going back. "I think I might want..." he said slowly.
"Then ask her," Toby said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"That's it? Ask her?"
"Yes. Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do."
Josh was pretty sure that was Toby's round about, Yoda-like way of telling him what Joey Lucas had over a year before. Looking at his watch he decided that he had just enough time to find out one more thing before his budget meeting. And lucky for him the woman to ask had just gotten back from vacation. Maybe if he was careful, she would be relaxed enough not to strangle him.
***
"CJ, I need to ask you a question," he said, closing her door quietly.
"Okay."
"And I don't want you to pull any punches. I need to know the truth."
"Okay." There was more than just a little fear in her voice. She could only hope that Josh hadn't been sneaking into her pressroom while she was visiting her father.
"How bad does intraoffice dating look to the public?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Two staffers who work in the same office dating each other. How bad would that look to the press? What would the fallout be?"
"Are you asking me out?" she asked with a grin.
"No! God, no."
"And I love you too."
"CJ," he warned.
"So you want to know what the fallout would be if it ever got out that Larry was dating Bonnie?"
"I was thinking of a more senior staffer."
"Like you?" she guessed.
"Yes, for example, me. What kind of repercussions could I expect if I were to date," he paused for a moment "someone. We could expect the late show monologues for sure. The morning shows. I don't think that there would be too much of a fuss on the hill, but-"
"Congressional inquiries?" she snickered. "My, don't we have a healthy sense of our own importance."
"Excuse me, I'm plenty important."
"No," she said with a mock thoughtful look on her face. "I'm pretty sure you're not." He looked utterly shocked at the idea.
"People cared plenty a couple of years ago with Sam. I *know* I'm at least as important as Sam."
"That's because Sam slept with a prostitute. That's exciting. That's sexy."
"Hey, Donna's sexy." His words hung in the air for a moment, as he realized what he just said. He searched hurriedly for some kind of excuse for why he'd said it. But if CJ was surprised she didn't show it. She simply smirked and said, "Whatever you say, lover boy."
"I think you might be wrong about this. I think that the majority of people are more than a little concerned with how their government is run. And I'm very well known. I have a fan club. So if I'm that much more popular-" said Josh in a rush to try to redirect the conversation, to get some control.
"Are you actually upset that Sam had a sex scandal and you won't? Josh, the American people really don't care who you're dating. Well, unless you're planning some alone time with Dr. Bartlet in the Lincoln Bedroom. That could be a problem."
"Ahh, no I think I can keep that impulse under control." Josh was smiling broadly and, though she tried to keep a neutral face, CJ ended up grinning right back at him. "I need to go now." After a short pause, "CJ, could you not say anything about this? I'm just not sure how-"
"About what?"
"Thanks."
He walked slowly to the Roosevelt Room, lost in thought. He was so caught up in his own mind that he didn't even see Donna standing outside the door. She tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a stack of folders.
"What's your problem?" she asked curiously.
"Just thinking about this meeting," Josh lied. At that moment the 2003 budget was the furthest thing from his mind.
****
She had no clue how to interpret his most recent behavior. At times it seemed as though he was going to great lengths to avoid her, by not making eye contact and mumbling answers to any questions she asked.
Then at other times, she would be standing by the copy machine, or sitting at her desk, and she would get the feeling that she was being watched. She caught him more than once, just staring at her. He never said anything about it; he would just mumble some vague excuse before making a hasty retreat to his office.
She was becoming more and more confused by his behavior and decided that she needed an answer, but she couldn't really ask about it in the office; the walls had ears. Since it was the first Friday of the month, she'd have the perfect opportunity to ask a few questions outside the office. Sitting in a TCBY with CJ, Donna decided to find out. "Do you know why Josh has been acting so weird lately?" Donna asked abruptly.
"No clue."
"Because he's really starting to freak me out."
"What did he do?" CJ asked, hoping that Josh's idiocy had been confined to his almost comical pursuit of women and that it hadn't bled into his work.
"He's just been... weird. Kind of like he's trying to avoid me, but not really." CJ looked confusedly at Donna. "There's a reason I'm not in the communications department."
"Does it have anything to do with the thing with Amy?"
"He said some things, right before he and Amy broke up. We've been having some trouble since then."
"So, things are... weird," CJ started, unable to come up with a better descriptor, "because Josh stuck his foot in his mouth? That doesn't sound so unusual."
"No. I think he's still pissed at me." Donna had finally voiced the concern that had been nagging at the back of her mind. She got the impression that Josh was trying to decide how to tell her something, and she didn't know what could possibly make him so uncomfortable. Nothing made Josh uncomfortable; he'd twirled her panties around in the middle of the bullpen; told congressmen to do things that would make a sailor blush. And yet, he was being hesitant with her now. The only thing she could think was that he was pissed.
"Why would he be pissed at you?"
"It doesn't matter. It'll just take time." Donna was beginning to regret bringing this up with CJ. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was useless. What would CJ be able to do?
"You should talk to him," CJ told her before Donna could tell her to forget about it.
"What?"
"You should talk to him. Tell him to get over himself and... move on."
"I can't tell off my boss." Donna knew it was a weak excuse, but she couldn't think of anything better.
"Since when?" CJ countered.
"I told you, things are weird now."
"Okay." CJ decided to let it drop for now. Donna began talking about the date from hell that Margaret had been on the night before, stirring her frozen yogurt nervously.
***
"Do you have a minute?"
"For you, Claudia Jean, I've got three."
"What are you doing?"
"Looking over this memo on welfare reform," Josh answered as CJ closed his door quietly. "What's up?"
"Are you upset with Donna?"
"Uhh... no. Why do you ask?"
"She thinks you are."
"What?"
"She thinks you're pissed at her."
"Look, CJ, you really don't need to get in the middle of this."
"Is this about what we talked about the other day?"
Josh sighed. He really didn't want to talk about this. He wasn't ready yet. Josh had spent the past five days trying to figure out exactly how this was supposed to work. He was still relatively sure that Donna would be open to the idea, but if she wasn't... well, he didn't even want to think about how awkward *that* would be.
"CJ," he warned.
"You need to figure out what you want to do."
Just then there was a knock on his door, followed by Donna's quick entrance.
"I've got to go. Think about what I said, Josh." He just grunted in response.
"What was that about?" Donna asked, staring inquisitively at CJ's retreating form
"Nothing." He realized that he answered too quickly and that she was eyeing him suspiciously. "Do you want to get some dinner?"
"From the place?"
"I was thinking we could go out."
"I'll get my coat." She was glad for this development. They hadn't eaten together in a while, and dinner tonight could be the start of them getting back on track. There was also the added bonus that she had been sitting at her desk for almost eight hours straight, and she'd only eaten frozen yogurt since breakfast.
Josh was surprised that she agreed to go with him so quickly. It wasn't like it was unusual for them to eat together. But it seemed strange in the context of how strained their relationship had recently become. He got his jacket off of the back of his chair and headed out into the bullpen.
***
Donna noticed that Josh was unusually fidgety all throughout dinner. From four years experience dealing with him she knew that could only mean one thing: he wanted something.
"No," she said flatly.
"Excuse me?"
"I know what you're doing and the answer is 'no.'"
"What am I doing?" he asked hesitantly. How could she know what he was trying to do? It's not like it was fodder for the gossip mill. Well, it wasn't yet, anyway.
"You're trying to bribe me with food so that I'll come into work tomorrow when you know very well that it's my day off."
"That's not what I was..."
"Well, then what's with this?"
"Well," he started, beginning to fidget. He sat up straighter before leaning both his elbows on the table. But he decided that that was too confrontational a pose and settled for leaning back in his chair, arms crossed defensively. "I wanted to see if you might possibly want to do this again."
"Dinner?" She didn't get it. He was going to have to be more obvious, even though he would rather have avoided it. Vague couldn't get him in trouble; he could always just say it was a misunderstanding if something went wrong.
"Yes, but in a more social, um... capacity." He decided to make sure that there was no doubt as to his intention. He reached out and put his hand over hers.
"Oh," she responded dumbly.
"Yeah." And there they sat, neither moving at all, each waiting for the other to say something. Finally, Donna broke the silence.
"We can't do that. I mean, it's just a disaster waiting to happen."
"No. I talked to CJ and she said-"
"Not that," interrupted Donna. She looked sympathetically at him before continuing in a soft voice. "You're really terrible at this- relationships and... stuff."
"Okay." Josh quickly developed a fascination with his water glass and began to pull his hand back. He hadn't really wanted to consider what would happen if she wasn't interested in him. Even in his worst scenario, he didn't see her calling him on his romantic inadequacies. "I should go," he announced, not looking up from the table. Donna managed to catch his hand before he could reach for his wallet.
"Wait. That didn't come out right. You're terrible at this," Donna started again. "I mean truly awful. And possibly the only person worse at relationships is me."
"You're really not that-"
"Oh, yes I am," she interrupted with a self-deprecating smile.
Josh took it as a positive sign that she wasn't giving him the 'let's be friends speech.' Well, she was, but not because she didn't think of him... like he thought of her, just because she thought they would be disastrous together. Okay, so he was willing to admit that this wasn't a clear victory, but there was the potential for him to change her mind.
"Maybe we could work around that."
"Around what?"
"Um... our mutual romantic idiocy?"
"It's not-"
"I don't want to be like this. I want to- I'm trying to change."
"That's why I don't want to do this. This is exactly what you were doing with Amy," she realized. His lack of response told her that she'd guessed correctly. "I really can't be that."
"Be what?" he asked, feigning ignorance, having a pretty good idea what she meant. When she merely looked pityingly at him, he asked quietly, "So, you really don't want... us?"
"That's not what I said." She hated the look on his face.
"I have no idea what you're saying."
"I don't want us to end up like you and Amy."
Her answer gave him hope. Unless he was completely misreading her, she was interested. She was just scared. "I don't think we will."
"When you get an idea in your head I know just how-"
"Persistent?" he guessed.
"Pigheaded," she corrected. "You can be. I won't be just a means to an end."
"You're not," Josh told her sincerely. He found that he was now the one keeping her from pulling her hand away. "That's not why-"
"You just broke up with your girlfriend, and then decided suddenly..." she trailed off.
"Yeah," Josh admitted.
He looked very sincere so Donna decided to test the waters a little. "You couldn't have thought that I'd just jump into bed with you."
"That's not what this is about," he said seriously.
"Really?" Donna asked skeptically.
"I'm, um... not very good at this. We do well together and I think, possibly could do well... Haven't you ever thought about it?"
"What?"
"Have you ever thought about it?"
"I don't know. I guess. Yes, I have." Josh grinned widely. "Try not to look so smug."
"But I am smug."
"You shouldn't be," she said with mock seriousness. "There's a big difference between thought and action."
But the thought was integral in the action, he thought. "I think we should act."
"I'm still not going to just jump into bed with you." This time her tone was lighter. She'd made up her mind and he knew it.
"Ever?"
"For a while?" she said coyly.
"I can handle that." It was then that the waiter came with their check.
"Could we maybe finish this conversation somewhere more private?" he asked eagerly, really wanting to make sure that she wanted the same things.
This made Donna smile. "You weren't paying attention a minute ago, were you, Josh?"
He smiled, glad that they seemed to have broken through whatever awkwardness had been filling the air between them recently. "So, you're saying it's too soon for me to ask you to come back to my place for a drink and," he waggled his eyebrows, "stay for breakfast."
"I think I'd laugh in your face if you ever asked me that."
"I'll take you on a tour. My bedroom is especially impressive."
"Oh my God," she laughed. "I take it back. You're definitely worse at this than I am."
"Come on," he said, tugging on her hand and getting up from the table.
The ride to her apartment passed in a comfortable silence, but the closer they got the more nervous they became.
"Are we really going to do this?" he asked seriously.
"Josh," she started as they sat in his car next to her building.
"No. Not *that*. Are we...?"
"Yeah," answered Donna, more than a little amused at his discomfort.
"Good." Josh released a breath he wasn't even aware he had been holding. He leaned over the center console and kissed her gently.
"Very good," she agreed when they broke apart a few minutes later. "I should go."
"Yeah." He had an amused smile on his face, and one hand on her shoulder. "I have a feeling your overly demanding boss is going to be calling you in for an early morning tomorrow."
"Not if he knows what's good for him," she grinned, getting out of the car.
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