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West Wing Fanfic "This isn't good," I observe, poring over gun control statistics. "Your deduction powers continue to amaze me, Donnatella," Josh smirks. "I'm just saying... a five-day waiting period." "Joey Lucas thinks we should dial up the gun control rhetoric." My face tightens at the mention of Joey's name, and I can see Josh's eyebrows raise slightly. "You don't agree?" he asks. "No, I agree, I just..." "You know, Joey's mulling a congressional run next year. The President said he'd support her." Oh, God. Joey Lucas living in Washington? Working in Washington? Near Josh? "Do you think you'll gather your rosebuds?" "Donna, I swear if you say that one more time, I'll be forced to say something really mean." "You do that all the time, Deputy Downer." Shit. Did that just come out of my mouth? "I - I don't mean to." Well, if I'm going to do this, I might as well do it all-out. "The revolving door of local Gomers? Using me as a pawn for Vasily Konanov?" "What about the flowers?" he asks in a desperate voice. "Don't I get points for the flowers." "Telling Sam about Dr. Freeride." "Sam's my best friend." "Sam has the biggest mouth in the West Wing. Now Ainsley knows about Dr. Freeride. I mean, I really like her, but still, it's not something I like to broadcast." "I just -" "Not to mention the tiny sense of self-worth." I am aware that my voice has escalated to a sharp pitch. Thankfully, it's after ten, and I don't think anyone else is here. Josh runs a hand over his face and sighs. "You looked really good in that dress." "I didn't wear it for you. I wore it for Todd." Bullshit. "You have to stop dating these losers, Donna." I'm now furious. "Excuse me? Maybe if I had a night off once in a while, that wouldn't be a problem." "Time off isn't the problem, Donna. You're like a... a loser magnet." That's it. I take my shoe off and throw it at him. He ducks and it hits his shelf. "You're not a loser," he clarifies. "But they really are." "I don't exactly see you having an active social life." "I'm more selective." "Josh, your last girlfriend was Mandy." "Please don't remind me of that, Donna." "Look, Josh, if you want to be miserable and alone, fine. I'm not your babysitter. But don't take me with you." "You're not miserable and alone!" "Yes, I am." I take my other shoe off and bounce it on the floor, mainly out of frustration. "And I have been ever since I met you." "Alone, maybe. Miserable? Like you were really happier being used by a schmuck who stopped for beer on the way to the hospital when you were in an accident?" "That is so unfair, Josh." "Donna, I can't help the fact that you're never going to be happy with these jerks you date. I can't help the fact that you have no taste in men. I can't help the fact that you'll be alone for a long time just because you have no skills when it comes to relationships. None!" I feel as if he's slapped me. "Josh?" I ask in a whisper. He knows he's gone too far. "Donna... Jesus, did I really just say that?" I nod. "I'm sorry." "No, you're not." "I really am, Donna." "Save it, Joshua. Really. Save it for your next apology. That shouldn't be too far from now." "Look, really!" he says. He blocks my body as I try to get past him in pursuit of my shoe. "Donna, please accept my apology! I hate it when you're mad at me." "Then why do you provoke me like this? What kind of boss says these things about their assistant's love life?" "I'd like to think we're more than just boss and assistant," he says quietly. Yeah, so would I. "Okay, then. What kind of friend says these things?" "I worry about you, Donna." "I'm a big girl, Josh." "I don't want you to get hurt by these guys." He is not going to make me forget my anger by being unbearably sweet. I won't let him. "No? So, instead, you take it upon yourself to make me feel like shit?" He looks at me, and for the first time in three years, I see real, honest-to-God remorse in his eyes. "Don't you know how I feel about you, Donna?" "Frankly, no. One moment, you're being a jerk about my 'sense of self-worth', the next, you're sharing a beer and joking around with me. How the Hell should I know how you feel? You're confused, Josh." "No, I'm not. I'm just not ready to deal with my feelings." I will not overanalyze that statement. "So how do you feel?" My heart is thundering in my chest. On some level, I want him to say, 'I'm so glad you're my friend.' Keep it platonic. Nothing will change, and we'll have the same old banter tomorrow morning. On another level, I know that if he says that, my heart will feel like it's been torn into a million pieces. Belatedly, I realize that Josh is moving towards me. That look on his face... I've seen it before. It's the one he gets right before he swoops in and declares victory. That cocky, arrogant expression that says, 'I'm Josh Lyman, and nothing will stop me from getting what I want.' But he doesn't want me. Does he? "Josh?" I ask nervously. I back up until I hit the door. "Donna, let me clear something up." And then his lips are on mine. His tongue, rough and insistent, makes inroads past my lips and teeth. Actual thinking is put on hold, and my arms wrap around his neck, drawing him closer. He wants me. After a moment, we are forced to separate so that we can breathe. Josh pulls away but doesn't stop caressing my neck. "I love you, Donna." I can't say a thing. "Wow," he laughs. "If that's all it took to silence you, I would have said this a long time ago." I laugh in spite of myself, and I don't fight the tears welling in my eyes. "I love you, too, Josh. That's why when you say those things it hurts so much." "I say those things because I get incredibly jealous." "That doesn't excuse them." "I know," he admits, planting a soft kiss at the hollow of my neck. A shiver runs through my body and I moan slightly. "And I'm so sorry for all the times I've made you feel like shit. Including tonight." "Josh, what do you want?" "What do you mean by that?" "I mean, do you want a relationship with me?" "I want a life with you. Because I can't imagine a life without you." Tears spring to my eyes anew, and Josh brushes them away. "I've been waiting for three years to hear you say that," I say. "I was in love with you the moment I met you." "It took me a bit longer," he admits. "When did you know?" "Rosslyn. All I could think was, 'thank God Donna's not here.' And when I woke up, you were there - like an angel, doing everything you could to make me well again. You were my lifeline, Donnatella Moss. Without you -" "Ssh," I whisper. "I know." And I do know. I know how close he came this winter to breaking. I know about the window. I know about the sirens. I know about the reaction to the F-16 pilot. I know. "I had no idea you felt the same way," he continues. "Until Joey Lucas said so." "What?" "The night we got the polling results, she said that you like me. I grinned like an idiot and said, 'that's not true.' So I enlisted Sam. He told me I had to be an imbecile if I didn't know you loved me." "I was that obvious?" I ask, cringing slightly. "Not to me. According to Sam, everyone else has been waiting for this forever. He said there's even a pot going." "You're kidding!" I exclaim. "No. I don't think we'll have to worry about our job security - Leo started the pot." I laugh and play with the soft curls at the base of his neck. "Donna, I want to be with you. Emotionally, sexually, geographically - every way possible. I can't promise that I won't get scared. I can't promise that I won't say something nasty. But I can promise that I'll never stop loving you, no matter what happens." The floodgates open and I start to cry again. Josh pulls me against him and my tears seep into his dress shirt. "Ssh, Donna," he soothes me, stroking my hair. "I love you, Josh." It's the only thing I can think of to say. But that's all I need to say. "Come home with me," he whispers. "Just... stay the night with me. I just want to be with you, nothing more." "Okay," I say against his shoulder. "But we never finished looking over these statistics." "Screw the stats," he says with a grin. "No, Joshua. Work before play." I pull away and sit down again. He groans and we go back to analyzing the numbers. It's nearly midnight when we leave the building. I drive to my place so I can pick up the necessary objects for tomorrow morning. "Where are you going?" asks my roommate, Heather. "Josh's," I say with a wicked grin. "He finally made a move?" "He loves me!" I cry gleefully, not caring how lovestruck I sound. "About damned time." "Agreed." I reach Josh's neighborhood and miraculously, I find a spot for my ridiculously old car. After knocking once, Josh opens the door and grabs my hand, pulling me into his apartment. "Love you," he whispers, kissing me gently. I get chills from his utterance. "I love you, too." "What's in the bag? Kinky sex toys?" "Josh!" I cry, knowing he isn't serious. "Clothes for tomorrow and something to wear tonight. I should get changed, because we should go to bed." "Oh?" "Get your mind out of the gutter," I admonish him. "Philately!" he calls as I enter his bathroom and change into sweatpants an oversized University of Wisconsin tee shirt. When I come out into the hall, he's turned off the lights in the apartment except for the ones in the bedroom. "Wow, look at you," he says appreciatively as he climbs into bed. "It's just some old sweats." "You look great, though." I don't fight the grin playing at the corners of my mouth. Okay, this is no big deal. I'm just spending the night with Josh. In bed with Josh. A Josh who thinks I look great in old sweats. Life doesn't get much better. "Do you want an extra pillow?" he asks as I slip under the covers. "Hmm." I position my head on his chest. "This is fine for me." "Fine for me, too," he murmurs. "Don't I get a goodnight kiss?" "You're insatiable." "I'm adaptable." "Among other things." I lift my head to his and he takes me into a kiss. This one is much gentler than our first, but no less passionate. Our mouths open to each other, and, oh God... that tongue is quickly becoming my favorite part of his body. Oh, man, this was worth the wait. This is amazing. And we're only kissing. His fingers entwine themselves in my hair and he pulls me closer. I can feel his hands roaming further down my body and I smile. "Josh," I whisper. "Mmm?" "Not yet." "Okay." He pulls back and flops onto the mattress. "I just don't want our first time to be at midnight in a dark bedroom." "You'd prefer two p.m. in the Oval Office?" I whacked him playfully on the chest as I settle myself down and kiss his neck. "Tomorrow night," I promise, and his breathing speeds up a little. "I just ... want something with a little more romance than a quick screw in the middle of the night." "So do I," he admits kissing my forehead. "But if you're not ready tomorrow -" "I've been ready for three years," I say without pretension. "It's not a question of readiness, it's a question of making it special. I know how incredibly corny that sounds, but it means a lot to me." "It doesn't sound corny, Donna," he assures me. "It means a lot to me, too." "This feels like a dream," I tell him, tracing a circle on his bicep. "A good dream?" "The best dream I've ever had." "We should get some sleep." "Yeah, I know." I close my eyes and smile as he runs his fingers through my hair. "Good night, Josh." "Good night, honey." My breath catches at the affectionate epithet. Man, can this get any better? "I love you." Okay, it just got better. We fall asleep in each other's arms, contented in the love we have found tonight.
"Donna?" I shake myself out of my reverie to find Margaret standing next to me. "Oh, hey Margaret." "Leo wants to see you in his office. Josh is already there." My pulse starts racing. I thought Josh said our jobs would be secure. Are they not? Frankly, I know I'd give up everything in this building to be with Josh. Last night was so amazing, and this morning was so peaceful. Please, please don't let that peace be disturbed. I went into Leo's office and immediately froze as I saw President Bartlet sitting with the rest of the Senior Staff. "Donna," Bartlet says with a smile. "Mr. President, good morning." "I understand you're now dating my Deputy Chief of Staff?" "Yes, Sir," I say, blushing furiously. "Well, I want to offer both my congratulations and my condolences." "Thank you, Sir," I laugh. "Condolences?" Josh repeats confusedly. "I also want to congratulate you on your timing - I win the pot, beating out Leo very narrowly." "I'm glad we could be of service." Josh has stood next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. "Okay, well, I think that's all the business we have right now," Leo concluded. "Get back to work you guys." Josh keeps his arm around my waist as we walk back to his bullpen, not really caring who we see. At one point, we pass Danny Concanon and he gives Josh a knowing grin. "About time," he laugh. I laugh, and Josh just blushes. "Yeah, he knew I liked you." "How'd he know?" "I helped him out with CJ - you know, with Gail - so I asked him for some advice." "Did he give you any?" "Yeah. Tell you how I feel." "Well, I'm glad you did." We reach his office and he closes the door, pulling me into his arms again. "I know we have actual work to do," he murmurs, "but I just wanted to tell you again how much I love you." "I love you, too, Joshua." We kiss, gently at first, then with more passion. After a minute, we're interrupted by a knock on the door. "Yeah?" Josh asks, his voice barely concealing his annoyance. Sam pokes his head into the office. "Hey, you're coming with me to the Hill, right?" "Yeah, I didn't know it was time." "That's because your watch sucks," I remind him. He grins and gathers up his stuff. "Sam, you want to get some lunch on the way back?" "Yeah, sure. Donna, you want anything?" "No thanks, Sam." "Donna doesn't need anything," Josh says with an air of fake pomposity. "She has me. What more could a girl want?" "Philately," I tell him. "Stamp-collecting?" Sam asks with confusion. "Don't ask, Sam," Josh advises. "I'll see you later," he tells me, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. He's halfway down the hallway when he turns around and grins at me. "By the way, I still think you would have made a better stamp than Marcus Aquino." I smile, not caring how goofy I look. I don't even care if people are staring. I don't even care that I have a million things to do. All that matters is that I'm with Josh - at last.
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