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Past Losses (4/4) Please see disclaimers in part 1 ------------------ "You know, I don't think I ever apologised to you," Andy said, fiddling with the stir stick in Toby's drink. "Andy..." "No, I never did," she said, looking at him. "I'm sorry I turned away from you, Toby. I know now that you were hurting as badly as I was." "I should have tried harder to reach you, Andy. You left, but I just let you go." "That hurt, Toby," she admitted awkwardly. "You pushed me away as much as I pushed you. You let me know how angry you were, but never how hurt you were." "You did the same thing, though." "Yeah." They sat in silence for a while. "Want to try again?" he asked softly. "Toby..." "Not kids. Us. You and me." "I don't know." She hesitated and Toby sat back. "Okay, I get the message. Sorry I asked." "Toby, wait." Andy took his hand. "When I said I don't know, I wasn't putting you off. I really don't know. Until the night of the fund raiser, I didn't know if I could ever let myself be with you again." "But you didn't seem to mind that night." "No." She took a drink of his scotch. "There aren't going to be any kids, Toby." "I know." "That was always important to you. You could find someone else who could give you that family you want." "I haven't done so far." Toby sighed. "Besides, how do we know that the problem isn't with me?" "Can you honestly say that you believe that? Or that you can deal with there being no kids, ever?" Andy looked at him seriously. "I would give a great deal to say no," Toby said quietly. "But I just don't know." "Victor was a loser," Andy said suddenly. "I could have told you that. He works for the Orioles." "And he wasn't you," Andy agreed. "How have you been doing on that front?" "I don't have time to go out anywhere." "When you do, give me a call," Andy suggested softly. "Don't joke about it, Andy." "I'm not joking. If we take it slow, and actually talk to each other, maybe we can go out once in a while." "Okay." A small smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. "We should get back to work." Andy picked up her purse. "Right." Toby rose and drained the last of his drink. "You going to be okay about the questions?" "Yeah, I think so." "If it helps, you can name the miserable bastard who callously got you pregnant," Toby offered. "I'll be there if you need me." "What, you don't want the finger pointed at poor old Victor?" "I'd rather not let anyone think that you preferred him to me." "A little competitive, there, Pokey?" "Aren't I always?" ------------------- "Guys, there's something I have to say to all of you and I want you to listen hard." CJ eyed the crowd in her office. Sam was looking properly chagrined, although he had no idea what for. Josh was looking impatient and checking his watch. Ainsley was paying attention politely, but CJ knew she was itching to get back to her argument with Sam. Ginger and Bonnie exchanged glances, not sure why they were included in this. "CJ, can we get on with it?" Josh snapped. "I have a meeting in, like, a minute and a half." "This will only take a minute," CJ retorted. "A rumour is floating around the hill that Congresswoman Wyatt had an abortion recently." "Great." Josh snorted. "Attacks against the party again." "And why should that be perceived as an attack?" Ainsley said sweetly. "After all, you guys don't have a problem with abortion, do you?" "The rumour is true," CJ said bluntly, after glaring at Ainsley. "And none of you are going to discuss it. And Sam? Ainsley? If you're going to keep fighting about abortion, do it somewhere other than in the Communications office, okay?" "CJ, does Toby know about the rumour?" Ginger asked quietly. "Yes." "Does he know it's true?" "Yes, he does." "We'll keep the gossip out of the office, CJ," Bonnie assured her. "Can we go?" "Sure." CJ waved a hand. "Not so fast, you three." Josh, Sam and Ainsley halted in their tracks. "What?" Josh demanded. "I'm not the one who's been fighting about abortion all week." "I need you to talk to Donna." "Donna wouldn't deliberately set out to hurt Toby. You know that." "Yes, I do. That's why I need you to make sure she knows not to talk about it in the bullpen in her usual fashion." "Okay. What about the President? He might say something." "Leo's got that covered." "Wait a minute. I'm not sure what's going on here," Ainsley said, holding up her hand. "Why this conspiracy to keep the topic away from Toby?" "Because he's Andrea Wyatt's ex-husband," Sam supplied. "And, unless I'm missing something, the baby was his, wasn't it?" "I didn't say that." CJ told him. "I saw the pictures of the fund raiser, CJ, and I know he still loves her," Sam replied quietly. "You want to make sure he has some space to deal with this, right?" "Right." CJ looked gratefully at Sam. "Ainsley? Can I trust you to stop bringing the topic up around Toby?" "Of course." Ainsley nodded immediately. "Should I apologize?" "No," Sam and CJ said at the same time. "Just drop the subject, okay?" CJ added. "That's it." ------------------- "You talked to everybody, didn't you?" Toby demanded, the day Andy gave her statement, confirming that she had an abortion. "No..." CJ crossed her fingers, although she wasn't technically lying. She hadn't talked to everybody. "CJ..." "Okay, I told Sam and Ainsley to stop fighting in the office. And I did mention it to Josh, so that the topic wouldn't come up." "And Ginger and Bonnie?" "They were there, but I didn't have to say anything to them. They care about you, you know," CJ explained. "I just wanted to make things a bit easier on you. I didn't tell them about... the stuff we talked about." "Okay." Toby gave a long sigh. "It does make it easier, you know, not to have to get them to shut up." "You're welcome." CJ smiled, knowing that was as close to a thank you as she was going to get. "Wanna go for a drink later?" "Um. No. Thanks." Toby shook his head. "I have things to do." "Toby?" CJ eyed him carefully. "What's going on? You don't have to explain why you don't want to come." "No, I don't. So why are you asking me?" Toby did not raise his eyes from the floor. "Spill it, Toby. You're up to something." "Ah, hell, CJ, I have a doctor's appointment later and I probably won't feel like going out after." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Are you sure?" "Andy and I... Well, we might be thinking about getting back together," Toby admitted. "That's great." CJ beamed. "Why a doctor's appointment?" "It's not certain, CJ. We have a lot of things to work through." "And the doctor's appointment?" "Well, I thought it might solve a few things if there wasn't any chance that what happened before didn't happen again," Toby said, uncomfortably. "You're getting a vasectomy?" "God, CJ, why not just announce it to the press in a briefing?" Toby snapped at her. "I think it's sweet that you'd do that for her," CJ said seriously. "Yeah, well, maybe she'll know that I'm serious about wanting her back." Toby shuffled his feet. "Do you think it'll work?" "I honestly don't know. I hope so." "So do I." CJ walked over to him and kissed him gently on the cheek. "If it does, I get to be best man at your wedding." "Best man?" "Hey, I've got more balls than most of the men around here." "Moot point. So does Andy." "True. But if I'm best man, you can ask Sam to be bridesmaid." "Now that might be enough to get Andy to marry me again. Sam and Josh as bridesmaids." "And Leo as flower girl?" ------------------- Sam heard the laughter and smiled. Josh did, too, and looked over at his friend. "They're laughing." "Which means everything is back to normal," Sam replied, with satisfaction. "They're probably laughing at our expense," Josh pointed out. "Which means everything is definitely back to normal." END Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
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